Bad News: Science Proves Size Does Matter

An auto mechanic once told me, “long and thin get farther in but short and thick do the trick.” Well, he’s wrong. (Also, that’s a true story).

A new study shows that women like a big penis.

Well, sorta. It depends a lot on body type. The study states that it really depends on a man’s body type. A taller man with an ample wang is more attractive than a short man with a jumbo Jimmy. So, if you’re short and small, then congrats! However, if you resemble a tripod, that isn’t a good thing.

“It’s what’s on the inside that counts, little guy. At least that’s what my mom says…”

The study also revealed that women like tall men that are muscular with broad shoulders and a large penis. So basically, money was spent on a study that could have been done by asking random women on the street and getting the same answers.

[[contentId: 2432422| data-allowvote: false| style:width: 500px; height: 400px;]]

“Which one do you want to have bang you?”

The study suggests that the desire for long dongs might stem from evolution, where, in a time before clothes, cave ladies were all about cave men with thundering tubesteaks.

[[contentId: 2432423| data-allowvote: false| style:width: 304px; height: 308px;]]

“The size of his dong is the opposite of the amount he beats me.”

But don’t get down, men. Size is only one thing a woman looks for in a man. If you have a nice smile, a great personality, and are loving and kind, then you will find a woman for you.

Have money, too. That helps. Lots of money.

– Mark (twitter)