How Racist is Baa Baa Black Sheep?

If you have children please escort them from the room, maybe let them watch a Michael Bay movie in which nothing worse than multiple homicides occur, because we’re about to discuss something egregious, salacious and downright offensive – Baa Baa B**** Sheep.  Yes, we had to asterisk that word.  You know what word it is.  Not bitch, that one’s ok.  The other B word. 

Kindergartens in Australia are now boldly stepping forward to preserve the minds and souls of their little darlings by scourging the damaging and disgusting racially charged lyrics of this Ku Klux Klan anthem and making them more sensitive and friendly in a way that won’t fracture tiny brains as the song traditionally did.  You may recall all those CNN reports of children hearing the song for the first time and literally exploding.  Remember those?  Maybe Google them, we’re pretty sure Wolf Blitzer covered it.

For your benefit only, we will transcribe the lyrics here.  Our deepest apologies to people of all minorities and anyone with a sound moral compass.  We didn’t want to have to write this filth out, but it’s for the good of our children that we know how offensive this is so we can stop it.  Take a drink before proceeding if you need it.

Baa, baa, black sheep,
Have you any wool?
Yes sir, yes sir,
Three bags full.

One for the master,
One for the dame,
And one for the little boy
Who lives down the lane

Baa, baa, black sheep,
Have you any wool?
Yes sir, yes sir,
Three bags full.

There’s something fishy about that middle sheep

God, one of our editors just vomited.  Again, we apologize for this harsh and unfiltered garbage.  As you can see, the lyrics are 100% grade A filth.  Worse, they continue on with the line “one for the little boy who lives down the lane” a line as sexist as the first line is racist.  But fear not!  For some Australians schools have opted to change that line as well, because the racism and sexism that you see in this song is of grave concern to Aussie teachers.  Hopefully teachers in America will soon take up this fight for justice and maybe just ban this song outright, along with the AC/DC album Back in Black, black lights, Boy George, black crayons, Scarlett Johansson’s character Black Widow, actual black widow spiders,  the expression “oh boy,” Boy meets World, boy bands (we actually support this one), Black and Decker appliances, airplane black boxes and girls who wear boy shorts.  That oughtta make the world safe.

 

ED. Note:  The preceding was extremely sarcastic and satirical on our part but the actual story about Australia schools rewriting the song Baa Baa Black sheep as though the idea of black sheep, which are actual, non-racist, living things, were somehow offensive to black people.  No one is stupid enough to believe that for real except school administrators, who are possibly the dumbest people in the world.  Children of Australia, we feel sorry for you.