Science Has Created A Futuristic, Jiggle-Proof Bra

Finally, 2014 has given us something worth getting out of bed for – the Bionic bra.  Your breast-related nightmares are over, everyone.  Two researchers in Australia have been working on this device for 15 years and now, thanks to how advanced our world has become, the barely functional and non-machine washable Bionic Bra is a reality.

So what makes a bionic bra bionic?  A series of sensors and actuators in the bra work to tighten or loosen the material as needed.  Meaning if you’re a lady out for a jog and things are getting fancy free, the bra will tighten up and hold everything as snug as a bug in a rug.  If later you are relaxing, so too will the bra as it loosens to ensure your freedom and comfort.  Yes, it’s a robotic bra that looks like half of Robocop’s chest plate that basically saves you the trouble of swapping in and out of a sports bra, which must inconvenience thousands of women for upwards of three minutes per day.  Maybe four!

The secret to the bras magical squeezy abilities are the fibers that can sense movement which, along with the actuators, then respond.  The developers are still working on the final product but have announced this innovation as a proof of concept.  They still need to pretty it up some and make it look, you know, girly.  And then the future will be bright and full of women who don’t need to yank their bra straps around when things are feeling off because the bra will do that for them.

As for the braless amongst us, don’t feel left out. This technology could transcend bras.  Imagine never have to adjust your junk again because your boxers are way ahead of you, adjusting and moving your bits and bobs as needed, all day long.  The Jetsons never imagined anything that awesome.

Of course, the real implication here for men is, if this material can sense certain kinds of movements, if dudes have it in their underwear, can it sense when a man is, you know, ready to go?  And if so are how exactly does the material respond?  Or, weirdly, how would most people like it to respond?  Yes, the future will be an interesting place indeed.