Ask A Hottie Vol. 4: I Slept With A Married Man And His Wife Is PISSED

Welcome to Break's semi-regular column "Ask A Hottie," where they've given free reign to a girl who 1. Has several failed relationships under her belt, so OBVIOUSLY she's a great source on how to live happily ever after, and 2. Who once won a Chipotle burrito eating contest. Immediately following, she puked Chipotle through every available hole in my face. No one ever asks me, but I tell 'em anyway in case they ever find themselves wondering: yes, yes it does taste the same coming back up as it does going down.

And because every week you get a beautiful photo of my beautiful face doing beautiful things, here I am:

And by "beautiful photo," I mean "Can you tell if this photo is a boy or a girl? Let us know in the comments!"

This photo was taken in second grade. My dad tried to trim my bangs the night before picture day. It did not turn out well.

Do you have a question for our resident...well, whatever that is up there? Send it to AskABreakHottie@gmail.com!

Q: I am a 20-year-old college girl who recently started babysitting a 10-year-old girl every week. The family is very rich, but the wife has never liked me. She is always super grumpy, but the husband is always really nice and buys me gifts, offers me rides home and gives me lots of compliments.

Last Thursday, the husband came home earlier than usual and we wound up having sex in his bed while his daughter was watching Nickelodeon in her room. Now is a good time to mention that I have a boyfriend. We've been dating for three years. I realized how messed up all of this was, so a few days later I decided I should quit the babysitting job. As I was driving to the family's house, I got this text from the wife:

Listen you little homewrecking whore. I know what you two did. Do you think I'm fucking stupid? How dare you fuck my husband while my daughter is watching cartoons downstairs? Is that your thing? Going around, fucking people's husbands in the presence of children? You are the most disgusting piece of shit I've ever seen.

You probably thought I didn't notice your flirting, your stupid giggling and all the sexual innuendos. I know slutty college girl behavior when I see it and you're no different. It didn't take long for you to spread your legs and that's what makes you more pathetic, you absolute whore.

My husband doesn't love you, he loves ME. He doesn't give a shit about you. He thinks you're a stupid and naive little school girl. He simply sees you as an object you can stick your dick into, nothing more. Do your parents know they raised a slut?

I have contacted your boyfriend a few minutes ago and he knows what happened. Don't bother stepping into my house because I don't want my little girl to be around a cheating bimbo. I wish you all the best in your search for new cocks.

She was not kidding. My boyfriend and I had a huge argument that ended with him dumping me. I want him back. I understand that I fucked up big time but it feels like I'm the only one being blamed here when it takes two to tango and the husband is at just as much fault.

A: There isn't much of a question here, but I had to throw this in anyway because it was just too good not to share.

First of all, don't count on getting your boyfriend back. Unless he has a rapid change of heart that's telling him you're not actually just a dumb bimbo who fucks married men, chances are that the two of you aren't getting back together. Ever. Oh, and I hope to Christ that he can keep a secret, because once your mutual friends find out exactly why the two of you broke up, well...I can't see any of them taking your side.

Second, are you actually complaining that there aren't enough people putting blame on the husband instead of you? Let me put it this way: you know how Obama complains about how congress didn't let him pass any legislation, but the whole country still blames Obama because he's the big kahuna in charge? It's the same thing. YOU are the leader in chief of YOUR vagina, which means that yeah, even though Putin came along and knock-knock-knocked on your door, that doesn't mean you should've let him in. If I had to fuck every dude who so much as asked for my number my vagina would be a never-ending HOV lane of dicks. For all you know the wife is filing for divorce this very moment, but even if she isn't you are nowhere near a position to be pointing fingers and saying "But MOMMMMMMM he did it TOOOOOO!!!"

Which brings me to my next point: you're not sorry. Not really. Yes you're bummed about your boyfriend dumping you, but let me repeat back what you already wrote:

I am a 20-year-old college girl who recently started babysitting a 10-year-old girl every week. The family is very rich, but the wife has never liked me. She is always super grumpy, but the husband is always really nice and buys me gifts, offers me rides home and gives me lots of compliments.

Already you're demonizing the wife and making her husband out to be like some sort of knight in shining armor. Maybe the wife is grumpy because she's stuck in a marriage where her piece of shit husband is trying to bang the babysitter, or maybe she's grumpy because she sees your dumb puss getting all giddy and wet every time the guy so much as sneezes in your direction.

Honestly -- she was right to tell your boyfriend. Were YOU going to tell him? Would YOU want to stay in a relationship after your boyfriend banged the mother of the child he babysits while the kid is watching cartoons? Oh, and I was going to make a separate point about that entirely, but since we're already here what the actual fuck. You fucked in his house, in the bed he shares with his wife, while their CHILD was still in the house unawares. Consider yourself lucky that ALL the wife did was rat on you to your boyfriend, because if she went and burned your house down, killed your dog and force-fed you the corpses of your parents, I can't say I'd blame her. You're really only upset about getting caught.

Clearly, your job as babysitter is over for this family and I hope you're smart enough to not put them down as a reference for your next gig.

 

Do you have a question for our resident...well, whatever that is up there? Send it to AskABreakHottie@gmail.com!