Ask A Hottie: My Boyfriend’s Ex-Wife Hates Me Because I'm Probably A Homewrecker

Welcome to “Ask A Hottie,” Break’s weekly column in which I go digging through my tagged Facebook photos and try to find a picture:

  • Where I look sort of appealing
  • Where I’m not making any stupid faces
  • That wasn’t taken a million years ago
  • Where I successfully hide my janky row of bottom teeth that keeps me from ever being a true 8/10

"Once upon a time my hair was blonde and I dated a walking downvote. Good times!" - I said never.

Sometimes I answer questions that people send me. Sometimes I even answer them well! Only sometimes though.

Wanna take a chance on getting a decent answer out of our hottie? Email your questions to AskABreakHottie@gmail.com!

Q: My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years. He has one ex-wife and two kids, one is 14 and the other is 16. The divorce has been final for eight months, however he and his ex-wife had been legally separated for two years and one month. His kids both live with her.

My problem is that he wants to keep things as “normal” as possible for his kids, which means he hasn’t told anyone outside of his close friends about me. Neither his ex-wife nor his kids know I exist, and while I think this is a little messed up I’ve kept my feelings about it to myself since it’s his family to deal with, not mine.

Shit hit the fan the other day when I posted a photo of us on Facebook. I love getting likes and comments on my pictures and showing off what I’m doing, but have managed to not post any photos of us together out of respect for him. Temptation got the best of me, however, and I wound up posting a picture of us together with a caption about how I’m looking forward to us going on vacation together. I made the picture private, but somehow his ex-wife found it and started blowing up his phone, saying stuff about how she told the kids that I’m a giant slut, that the kids hate me and him, that my boyfriend left his family for me, that he’s not allowed to see the kids anymore…stuff like that.

I’m trying to give him space, but I wish he would just tell her off and stick up for me and not let his ex-wife poison the kids against me. I feel like his family hates me.

What should I do?

A: Well for starters you could stop being such a social media whore, since that’s what got you in trouble in the first place.

You, whoring for likes and upvotes.

Anyone who can look at me straight in the face (or write me an email, in this case) and say “OMG my Insta got 99 likes but I bet it woulda gotten more if I put a sepia filter on it :’((((((“ deserves to be shot. Social media exists for the try-hards of the world to prove to everybody who didn’t ask that they’re living an AWESOME and FULFILLING life. But you know what? Life isn’t always awesome and fulfilling; sometimes it sucks. In fact the shitty moments in life are a lot more interesting than the good moments, as I bet the question you posted above is infinitely more interesting than the basic-ass photo you took at brunch with your divorced boyfriend.

In fact, if you like social media so much why don’t you post this question on Facebook?

Oh wait – because it doesn’t fit the narrative that you’re living a princess fairytale life.

Blow all those expectations out your asshole.

They’re never getting fulfilled.

Exactly like this, if you please.

That may sound harsh, but if you think about it all the problems you currently face wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t been so goddamn thirsty for validation from people you’re only vaguely acquainted with online. The dumbest part of this whole thing is that you knew your boyfriend was trying to keep your relationship on the DL, you knew he wouldn’t want a photo of you two together on Facebook, but god forbid you give a shit about the relationship he has with his family, his kids, his ex-wife – you need likes on that photo goddammit, and reasonable requests for privacy are NO MATCH for your constant need for validation! God, you are the fucking worst.

 Alas, it appears I’ve torn you an extra butthole for being a social media slave and haven’t actually answered your question. You’re not going to like my answer, mind you, but we’ve already established that you’re in the habit of being inconsiderate – so with that in mind, I don’t give a fuck if you don’t like my answer:

You’re kind of fucked.

Frankly, I can’t blame his family for hating you. Your boyfriend and his ex-wife were only separated for a month before you started dating/boning/buttering him up for future alimony payments, so from their perspective you look like a homewrecking slut. Not that you’re necessarily a homewrecking slut, mind you – but technicalities don’t matter when you’re reacting out of emotion rather than logic. The dude standing in front of me in line at Wendy’s could be a NASA scientist for all I know, but I’m hungry GODDAMMIT, so instead of being a nice lady I judge him off the floor-length mullet and mini truck nut keychain he’s got to match the giant truck nuts on his pickup – as far as I’m concerned, he’s white trash. As far as the family is concerned, you a hoe.

Also, those kids are 14 and 16, which means they’re at the ages where they’re able to think for themselves. Shit, I ignored everything my parents told me when I was that age because I thought I knew better. The ex-wife could be lying about how the kids hate you, but in the event that they DO hate you then they probably came to that conclusion on their own. Their dad has been lying to them for two whole fuckin’ years about your existence – if they don’t hate you, it’s understandable how they resent him.

The only real solution here is to have your boyfriend stand up for you and explain how the two of you met after he became separated from his wife. Sadly, if your boyfriend has been keeping you a secret since the start of your relationship, I don’t see that happening. Remember how I said you’re kind of fucked? I wasn’t lying. Either your boyfriend nuts up and sets his family straight, or your relationship is essentially dead in the water. You think he’s gonna choose you over his kids and family? Please. Give him whatever space he needs and see what his feelings are on the matter – if he wants to come clean to everyone about your relationship, cool! If not, well…you deserve better; just remember stop being such a pandering Facebook whore and maybe next time things will work out more in your favor.

Wanna take a chance on getting a decent answer out of our hottie? Email your questions to AskABreakHottie@gmail.com!