Ashley Tisdale: A Long Way From Disney Channel

I’D LIKE TO SEE ASHLEY TISDALE NUDE, IS THIS POSSIBLE?

Before I break the bad news to you, I’d like to congratulate you on your own perseverance in the face of extreme adversity. Ashley Tisdale is one of those celebrities who has made a lack of not just nudity in her career, but her drug and even alcohol free personal life a part of her personal brand, and the fact that you would even brave the wilderness of the internet to try to seek out pictures and/or video of her naked is testament to your own belief in the power of miracles. God bless you, the true heroes of this world!

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Having said all that … no, you can’t see Ashley Tisdale nude, unless you enter into a romantic relationship with her, or, barring that, the bonds of holy matrimony. But nevertheless, she is a woman with a career in show business in the 21st century, so I might be able to help you out with some decent consolation prizes.

WHAT KIND OF CONSOLATION PRIZES?

Well, the primary one would be Ashley Tisdale in a bikini or something like that – otherwise known as “nudity’s dumb cousin.” Let’s start with her film and television career, which despite being totally nudity free does have some bright spots to explore.

The earliest entry in Ashley Tisdale’s resume that wasn’t on the Disney Channel was Aliens in the Attic. It’s a kids’ movie, like you can probably ascertain from the title, but Tisdale’s performance in the movie was awarded the prestigious “sexy” rating by Mr. Skin, and she does have some scenes in a bikini. You can watch those scenes in the compilation video below, made by YouTube user “satanisevil7,” who I’m sure had nothing but good intentions in doing so:

After that milestone was reached, viewers who wanted to see Ashley Tisdale in anything remotely sexy had to be satisfied with a TV show – Hellcats, to be specific, a show that was on The CW from 2010 to 2011 and was about law students who became cheerleaders or something. Look, I never saw the show, OK?

After this, Ashley Tisdale’s film and TV work are pretty much nudity-free, but with one quasi-exception. Her role in Scary Movie 5, while free of nudity, does give us the opportunity to see Tisdale in a variety of sexual situations, including, in a parody of the movie Black Swan, a lesbian scene that also has a little bit of “I Kissed A Girl” in its DNA. Check it out, especially if you enjoy extremely clumsy visual metaphors for lesbian sex:

I saw Scary Movie 5, so I can vouch for the fact that that’s definitely the best part of the entire movie. You’re welcome for saving you 80 minutes.

IS THERE ANY SEXY MATERIAL FROM OUTSIDE OF ASHLEY TISDALE’S ACTING CAREER?

In addition to being an actor, Ashley Tisdale has also worked as a singer and model, so just because her IMDb page leaves a little to be desired in the skin department, there are still plenty of other options to be explored.

Here’s a photo from a recent Maxim photo shoot that will show you a different side of Ashley Tisdale:

While we’re on the subject, here’s a pretty good video taken behind the scenes from that same magazine that also has Tisdale in her best beach outfit:

Next, we have a more candid shot of Tisdale during a recent photo shoot in California. Speaking of different sides:

CAN I SEE SOME MORE CANDID SHOTS OF ASHLEY TISDALE IN A BIKINI?

That one got your attention, eh? Well, fortunately, Ashley Tisdale is something of a beach enthusiast and as a result there a lot of pictures out there of her in a swimsuit. A word of warning, though – in some of these her face isn’t visible, so it’s tough to be sure that these are definitely of her. But they’re all listed online somewhere as being of Ashley Tisdale, and I don’t see any that couldn’t be her, so let’s give some of them a look:

Here she is being held by some guy:

And here’s another solo shot:

You might want to take a deep breath before you look at this next one:

OK, NOW I FEEL A LITTLE BIT LIKE A CREEP, CAN WE GET BACK TO SOME MODELING SHOTS PLEASE?

It’s about time! As I mentioned earlier, Ashley Tisdale has been more than accommodating in doing a very wide array of photo shoots for various publications over the last few years. But some of her best work comes straight from her Twitter account, where she’s been kind enough to post sexy shots, most of which she took herself, on a fairly regular basis. Here are some of the best:

Well, that one obviously wasn’t taken by her, but it’s still pretty worthwhile, wouldn’t you say?

Shhhhh, Ashley Tisdale says. Shhhhh. And here’s another shot with some attitude:

Here’s a shot from Tisdale’s Twitter feed that looks like the work of a professional. I wonder if that’s really her teddy bear:

And here’s one more:

I APPRECIATE ALL THE PHOTOS, BUT ARE THERE ANY OTHER SEXY ASHLEY TISDALE VIDEOS OUT THERE?

I wouldn’t be a very good Internet Host if I wasn’t prepared for this inevitability, would I? Here’s a video taken of an Ashley Tisdale concert performance of “Be Good To Me.” She’s not naked in it, but she is wearing a pretty sexy outfit:

Continuing on in that same vein is the official music video for the Tisdale track “He Said, She Said.” Even if you’re not a fan of Tisdale’s variety of pop music, you got here by searching for Ashley Tisdale nude on the internet, so you’ll probably be willing to watch this even if you have to turn the sound off:

To close out this brief video retrospective of Ashley Tisdale being sexy, let’s turn to another behind the scenes video from a magazine photo shoot, in this case, Cosmopolitan. Compared to elsewhere in this piece, Tisdale is dressed relatively conservatively, but it’s a Cosmo Q&A, so there are some sex-related questions. Translation: You might want to leave the sound on for this one:

ARE THERE ANY FAKE ASHLEY TISDALE NUDES ON THE INTERNET?

This is one of those questions that I have the feeling you already know the answer to. But OK, I’ll play ball – yes, there are. One of them is even on this very website (you can look at it here, provided you don’t mind it being NSFW). And I don’t think you’ll be surprised if I tell you that there are plenty more where that came from – a quick Google search will confirm that. Most of the fakes don’t really look as good as that one, though.

IS THERE ANY HOPE OF FUTURE ASHLEY TISDALE NUDITY?

There’s hope of just about anything, and Ashley Tisdale could announce a role in an American remake of Blue Is the Warmest Color tomorrow morning for all I know. But even if that doesn’t happen, you can go to bed satisfied that at least we came close to seeing Ashley Tisdale naked today. At least we came close.