From Poppin’ Caps to Causin’ Faps: The Flashing, Shooting Model

Have you ever heard of Devan Serpa?  Neither has anyone else, but she’s infamous now.  The amateur model, who so far as we know has a portfolio but has not modelled lingerie for Wal Mart yet, which is the true test of an amateur model’s mettle, was recently arrested for a shooting incident in Louisiana.  You thought it was going to be Florida, didn’t you?  That’s fair.

According to the report, two cars were just shooting at one another and somehow no one at all was hurt.  Hopefully it played out like Death Race 2000 and Serpa was like Frankenstein, defying the odds and somehow winning the day against her bloodthirsty opponents.  Or you know what?  Maybe on a re-read she just shot at two different cars.  Who cares, it’s not the really interesting part of the story.

Seems that Serpa was either really excited to be arrested or unclear as to what being arrested meant since, while she was being booked, she took the opportunity to “flash her genital area” at the arresting officer. What this likely means is she lifted her skirt but in a more hilarious world we like to think she had pants on with a little tearaway flap, for use only in genital-flashing emergencies.

Rather than being flattered, or even mildly impressed, the arresting officer just added an extra charge to the criminal property damage and illegal use of a firearm she was already being charged with by slapping her with an obscenity charge.  This just goes to show all you other potential models/criminal masterminds, your junk may not get you out of jail time.  Plus, as everyone knows, it’s boobs you’re supposed to flash to get out of a ticket.  A genital flash probably only gets you out of illegally towing a horse trailer or something like that.  To get out of charges related to shooting at other cars you’re probably going to need to flash an entire NFL cheerleading squad’s worth of boobs, plus a few thousand dollars, and even then you need to make sure no one’s filming it with their phone, because cops are wary of where and when they can be crooked these days. 

What kind of woman shoots up a few cars and then responds to law enforcement by busting out the goods?  Let’s read her profile on Google and find out!

Im Devan or Dee for short, im 24 yrs, a leo, and i have 2 beautiful daughters ages 2 and 6. Im very spiritual and live an interesting life bc of it! As of right now im a stay-at-home-mom bc i want to spend the summer doing fun things with my girls. I deserve the summer off anyways! lol I also make extra spending cash doing odd jobs. Anything else u want to know, just ask me!

Make fun of Break editors all you want but it gave two of us nosebleeds to leave that text “as is.”  Looks like Dee’s summer is off to a bit of rocky start, but at least her spirituality will help her through the prison chow line and maybe avoid a shanking.  And we’ll just not bother with that line about “making cash doing odd jobs” because we’re all pretty much thinking the same thing there, anyway.  In fact, let’s avoid the whole mess because it gets depressing to think this woman had a couple of kids at home. 

On the bright side, since she was booked, it seems like she has a real “Orange is the New Black” attitude about prison and will probably find her niche right away once she’s behind bars in a way that’s both gritty and realistic yet sometimes funny and sexy. We can’t wait to watch!