Getting Bullied? Grow a Pair!

Ian-Fortey by Ian-Fortey on May. 20, 2014

Bullying has become a big ticket item in the hearts and minds of parents, kids and politicians these days.  Thanks to cyber bullying and the media’s attention we’re aware that kids are harassed all the time and some are pushed to the edge and commit suicide.  It’s a big deal.

It’s worth noting that in 2012, just under 4,000 teens (which is 15-24 year olds, for some reason) committed suicide which is about 10 per 100,000.  In 1985, this suicide rate was pretty much exactly the same. Statistically speaking, teen suicide is on a bit of a decline.  This is important for later.

Recently the mayor of Porterville, California solved the world’s bullying problems by suggesting “some people need to grow a pair.”  This was of course met with outrage and dissent.  The sad thing is he’s not wrong.

Today schools have anti-bullying rallies and Zero Tolerance policies and all kinds of pamphlets and assemblies and speeches and platitudes for kids and it’s all bullshit.  Don’t think for a second it isn’t.  Is bullying gone?  No.  Is bullying any different than it was 10 years ago?  No.  Nor 100 years ago.  Or even 1000 years ago.  Bullies are people in the world around us and that has not and will not ever change.  And we can tell kids to tell teachers, but teachers won’t change a bully.  If they could, bullies would have vanished in the first grade at every school in the world.  And the fact is, each and every one of us knew bullies in grade 5 and grade 10 and probably adult bullies.  Detentions and suspensions don’t stop bullying.  Words don’t stop bullying. The only thing that ever stopped a bully in a real, practical way in any place, anywhere on Earth was the victim of a bully beating the ever loving shit out of that bully.  And that bully didn’t magically grow his heart three sizes, he just never picked on that kid again.  He bullied someone else.

Each one of us who was a kid and doesn’t live in the pretend world that some adults live in where they make like their childhood never happened or maybe can be subject to make believe rules is well aware that you stop bullying by out bullying the bully.  You beat his ass.  It’s literally the only solution and every kid knows it. That’s why bullies exist all through life, because there’s always someone weaker than them they can pick on and they’ll never be fully put in their place.  The kids being bullied need to grow the proverbial pair to end their torment.  It’s sad but true. 

We like to pretend we can talk our way out of situations and really, dare anyone you know to explain why we think that.  It’s the mature, civilized thing to do?  Tell that to a mugger.  The problem with acting like an adult, or being civilized, is that it only works if your bully agrees to those terms, and why the hell would he?  Like that mugger, he could see the logic of your argument that hurting you is bad in a cosmic sense, but maybe he thinks it’s funny.  Maybe the bully takes your lunch money so he sees it as a win just like the mugger can shoot you and get your wallet and that’s a win for him.  Could there be consequences later?  Maybe.  If they get caught.  If.

Parents and teachers tell kids bullies are just afraid, which is of course a lie.  They’re not cowards, they’re kids who are tough, they were raised tough, they have anger issues and maybe their home life does suck, maybe their parents do neglect them or beat them, but they’re not scared of a nerd kid at school, they see the nerd kid as a great outlet for their own rage.  Why does no one tell victim kids this?  They look like targets.  Is it because it’s a sad reality for both child and parent to realize, that to a stronger, angrier kid their child looks like a dish of meat loaf?  Who knows.

To everyone who criticized the mayor of Porterville, you need to grow a pair, too.  A pair steeped in reality.  Kids aren’t as stupid as we want to make them.  The only reason kids go along with BS anti-bullying campaigns is because schools and parents bully them into it.  They know it’s pointless, they know that out on the schoolyard, if a kid 3 years older and 100lbs heavier wants to smash their face in the mud, it’s going to happen and at best, they can tell a teacher when it’s done.  And that bully doesn’t care about punishments or other people’s  feelings because  if he did, he wouldn’t be a bully in the first place.

The anti-bullying movement across America is built on a lie meant to make everyone feel better from parents to teachers to the victims of bullying when each and every one secretly knows it’s all lies from their own firsthand experience, they just refuse to admit it to one another because they’re pretending the other parties actually believe it. 

Bullying hasn’t gotten better or worse.  No more kids commit suicide today than 30 years back. The problem is now we don’t tell kids to fight back, we give them granola BS hippie crap about speaking out or walking away or 100 other point form brain farts that look nice on glossy-stock pamphlets that will never save a single kid anywhere from an ass beating.

You want to end bullying?  Beat the hell out of a bully.  Or invest a hell of a lot of time and effort into giving a damn about who he is as a person, what his home life is like, share interests with him, make him your friend, and a real person, and someone of value to his peers and society as a whole.  But what school would ever support either of those options?

142 comments
Randy-Mann-189
Randy-Mann-189 User

You raised some interesting points, but I respectfully disagree with thinking it's ALL bullshit. I do believe that people in general should "grow a pair" "grow a backbone" stop being victims or however you want to phrase it. Our children, however, should not be encouraged to solve their problems by knocking out teeth (they will learn that at EXCATLY the right moment). I think you are correct when it it comes to coddling and awarding just showing up. We are doing the youth no favors by creating a false sense of achievement. I am not saying that we should throw rotten tomatoes at any child who isn't getting a first place trophy, but COME ON everybody gets something? There is a very valuable lesson to be learned from the agony of defeat we should want our youth to learn.

Patricia Morgan
Patricia Morgan

Josh McDonald harsh, but true. Darwin's theory will win out every time. Survival of the fittest. Sometimes It's not always physically fit but mentally too. If kids learned How to even just stand up for themselves verbally it would help. Teach your kids to be witty and a good zing might make a bully feel dumb enough to not even want to approach you again.

Dan Neroe
Dan Neroe

Break their nose and they will be gone for good

John-Parabellum-785
John-Parabellum-785 User

I was bullied in school.  It took 25 fights and 20 suspensions over six years (K-5) before I beat down the last idiot (25th) who wanted to bully me.  I got yelled at a lot at home and my sister would use the words "thrown out of school" when "suspended" was the correct term.   My grandparents thought I was an overly angry kid.  But after that 25th kid there wasn't any problems anymore I had a reputation for beating down bullies and no one wanted to mess with me.  My grandparents and the rest of the extended family was surprised by my "Transformation"  and of course they didn't understand when I said, "No one messes with me anymore so there is no longer any reason for beating down other kids."  They believed the principal who told my mom that all the beat downs were unprovoked just like any typical overpaid school administrator would.  

Johnny Poochie
Johnny Poochie

Like others I was bullied in grade school, fought back in junior high was suspended but it stopped. After that I fought other bullies weaker kids couldn't fight. That's what needs to happen, stronger kids need to be taught to defend weaker ones, teachers can't be around every second to step in.

Kyle Williams
Kyle Williams

bullied kids do need to grow a pair.....I've seen it first hand where the bully becomes the bullied because someone grew a pair.....my favorite saying to bullies was ....keep it up if you want your molars to be your front teeth

Kyle Williams
Kyle Williams

I'm as old school as it gets about bullys...I was bullied alot until I discovered my right hook....that being said these are different times....there is no such thing as a fair fight any more....

John Graves
John Graves

he is right...you wanna stop a bully, throat punch his ass period

Zach Rivera
Zach Rivera

Let kids be able to physically fight and a lit of bullying would stop. I was never well and truly bullied but I did have a guy run his mouth a couple times, that ended fairly quickly when he got hit.

Mack King
Mack King

Yeah, but NOW the kid who defended himself would be put in ADULT JAIL for "Assault"

Nathan Espinoza
Nathan Espinoza

I was called names and picked on as a kid and I just let out my aggression on mortal kombat. I've never been in a fight in my life. Never even been punched or punched someone

bfourteen
bfourteen

I kind'a agree with article. Don't get me wrong, I understand what pspwallace is saying. I think times are changing and more bulling is being done by using cyber space but the concept is still the same. Bullies do it because they can. There's no consequences. It's primeval survival, embedded in our genes. If you got the crap kicked out of you every time you tried to bully someone I'd bet you probably wouldn't be doing it. The crap KICKED out of you, physically or "digitally". Now I don't know where this movement came from but this turn the other cheek mentality is going to make a lot more victims. It's an ugly thing to endorse physical violence and I'm not, but I UNDERSTAND that there comes a time that it may become necessary when some schmuck is pushing his finger in your chest, a good punch in the throat might be the answer. I worked if a field where I saw both sides and I know that without consequences, real consequences, bullying or any other negative social disorder will never go away.    

Marcy Ann Fisher
Marcy Ann Fisher

Like I said in previous comment...bullying starts at home. Parental rights have been taken away which makes it difficult to teach children how to respect. Kids bully their parents to get what they want, and the bullying spills outside the home. If parents could spank their children like back in the day, this generation wouldn't be so pushy and disrespectful. Kids have the upper hand at home, and they take it with them when they leave.

Debra Young
Debra Young

Exactly. Bullies speak the language of violence...so speak their language a couple times if needed!

Tenly A. Kuech Hall
Tenly A. Kuech Hall

... he must have the same mind set as one of our local schools- the bullying had been reported to the school and the police, the school arranged for the bully to be transferred out of the district but the bullying continued on social media and the 13 year old victim killed herself - the backpeddaling from the school when 3/4 of the students called out the school by protesting out front was impressive- as was the lawsuit by the little girls parents against the school-

Jonathan-Murphy-114
Jonathan-Murphy-114 User

I'm sorry. But what fantasy world do you live in where bullies magically go away after High School. They don't... They enter the work place, and continue their acts, usually less physical, more mental, That they did before. On the same type of people they did before. Teaching our children the huggy feely crap with Anti bullying, is just setting them up to fail in the REAL world. The world outside of classrooms, with teachers who care. and the world with bosses, who don't give a shit. If you hide bullying, and never teach the nerdy kid how to deal with a bully in school, what do you think is going to happen when he is 24, sitting in an office, getting picked on by yet another bully/co-worker. Tell his boss? Oh yeah... that'll show work. 

Life doen't have an ignore button. And if kids don't learn how to deal with people saying things they don't like. Then the sure as shit won't know how to deal with said stresses as an adult. Because the Drama only gets worse... much much worse. And now you have a generation of 20 something, unemployed kids living at home with their parents, because they can't hold a job, because they don't get along with everybody and sing happy songs and share their feelings...

Christopher-Cullen-102
Christopher-Cullen-102 User

(repost, because apparently the dreaded F word kept this pending)


This whole (rather repetitive) article is built on a straw man argument: That all anti-bulling campaigns are just encouraging those that are bullied to "talk it out," or tell their teachers.
THEN the author ends with giving advice ("invest a hell of a lot of time and effort into giving a damn about who he (the bully) is as a person…") which is one of the F*@&ING tent-poles of most anti-bulling campaigns, and he acts like it's some revelation that isn't supported. It is also in direct contrast to him saying that talking isn't the answer. Ummm… isn't talking kinda required in getting to know someone? 
Most anti-bulling campaigns aren't just directed at the bullied or the bully, they are directed at the people with their hands in their pockets letting it happen, while giving insipid, simplistic advice like "grow a pair." 
There is not just ONE solution to bulling, just as there isn't just ONE reason it happens. 
And trust me, sometimes physically fighting back stops a bully, sometimes it makes it much worse. MUCH worse. 

Dustin Hamilton
Dustin Hamilton

On some level this is completely true and you all know it. Poorly executed though.

Richard Aldous
Richard Aldous

So events like Colombine should be accepted and even applauded for them finally growing a pair? quite often the victims of bullying suffer anger and depression with this building till it either turns inwards to self harming and suicide or explodes outwards. I'm glad so many are supporting the latter option.

Sean Cohen
Sean Cohen

1. Dont be a target 2. Grow a pair

Jerome Stapleton
Jerome Stapleton

if my son get kicked out or what ever i wouldnt even be mad i would tell him dude deserved getting knocked out and he earned a vacation from school.

Corbit-Wallace-506
Corbit-Wallace-506 User

Probably written by a bully or possibly a parent of a bully who instead of wanting to admit the damage bullying can do, prefers to blame the victim instead.  It's fair to say this person obviously hasn't been devastated by the kind of bullying some kids endure.  I was one of the ones that was bullied,  and sure, you can always fight back, but don't believe the nonsense that if you stand up to a bully that they will leave you alone.  Many bullies love for you to stand up for yourself so they can knock you down.  On top of that, every day becomes a fight and at some point you get tired.  There comes a point where you stop getting good grades because you don't want anyone to know you're the "brainy guy".  You don't want to go to school.  You definitely don't go to any school functions.  Suddenly you've gone from the "smartest student" your biology teacher has ever taught to barely graduating high school.  You've gone from someone that could be a doctor or lawyer to someone who's lucky to get into community college. F@#$ you if you think the answer is growing a pair.  It's people like you that perpetuate the problem.

Mel Cally
Mel Cally

Kids are too sensitive nowadays. Parents need to prepare the kid for bullying long before it becomes a problem in school. It sucks to say but bullying is going to happen it's apart of life even after school! Parents don't want to discipline their kid so in turn the kid turns into entitle little A-hole with no qualms and bully-esque qualities.

Shane Jones
Shane Jones

We're living in the age of the pussy kids,over protected,the guys right grow a pair and stop letting other people effect your life

Mathew Bainbridge
Mathew Bainbridge

I agree with him, because to me bullying is everything up to when it becomes physical. Once the violence starts, it's a different story and needs to be dealt with. I think part of the problem is as a society, we are obsessed with what other people do and think, and especially what they think of us. In the bullies this adds to their motivation to bully (big name themselves) and in the bullied it gives the bully something to work against.

Marcos Garza
Marcos Garza

And the bullies always seem to get off with no consequences . They seen to be protected by the school system. The victim usually get the more severe punishment for defending themselves. Not to mention that bullies usually pick on people far smaller then them and the victim can't even defend himself properly. Either that or they're being picked on by a whole group and to expect them to be able to stand up against an entire group of people is ridiculous .

Mike Thefish Hunter
Mike Thefish Hunter

Hi agree there is no more bullying today then there was years ago :)

Scott Stevenson
Scott Stevenson

Bullies have lower self esteem and self worth than the kids that are bullied. You're right, they need help and at a young age to boot. If the parents paid attention to the behaviour of their children, they can take action earlier. That is, if the parents even care. I've seen bullies in full goof mode and the parents are usually uncaring, stupid, and actually encourage the behaviour. And they tend to blame their own kids' problems on anyone else

Rhys Kempen
Rhys Kempen

If fags would stop being such homos then we would cease to have a problem eh? LOL JK

Ethan Firl
Ethan Firl

The problem today is that it's easier to "defend" yourself with a gun than to actually fight a bully and guns are easy to get.

Alexander Bishop
Alexander Bishop

Its true, thats what siblings help with though. They bully you, and you learn how to handle bullies when you first start school. You can paint pictures of the perfect society, where bullies don't exist; As long as large crowds of young individuals(and sometimes old) are there, there will always be a bully.

Javier Soto
Javier Soto

I agree to a degree...I had a bully in middle school for a few days...then I GREW A PAIR...dropped him in the hall...needless to say he would walk a different hallway after that...as I tell my girls it doesn't matter If you lose, what matters is that you had the heart to stand up for yourself...

Matthew Hill
Matthew Hill

Grow a pair and do what exactly? Punch the bully? Get beat up and suspended or expelled, then miss days of school? Go home and be get in trouble? A lot of "bullied" kids are abused at home too, which is why they don't stand up for themselves at school. This mayor is a real thinker.

Tara-Lee Olli
Tara-Lee Olli

I think you make a valid statement as well Cathy!

John-Parabellum-785
John-Parabellum-785 User

And when the teachers do step in they favor the bully at least that's how it was in my case.

Brandon-Buchanan-110
Brandon-Buchanan-110 User

Actually no. I work in a jail. They both might get held for 6 hours and 1 or both would go to juvenile facility and set it out and go to court (assuming that its REALLY bad and they are in their teens). From there no one can tell what happens next really. Otherwise parents would come pick them up and child services would take over and evaluate the situation.