After Brad Pitt won an Oscar for producing “12 Years a Slave,” he had to find a way to celebrate. A week in Tahiti? A few floors in Vegas? Nah, a sex tape with Angelina Jolie that he decided to post on-line for all their fans to see as a real “Thank You” for their support over the years. Ok, ok, ok.....feel free to file that one away in the “big fat lies” archive. To that end though, Angelina Jolie is one of the most fantasized about women in the world, enough so that countless google-crazy fans have asked:
WHERE CAN I SEE AN ANGELINA JOLIE SEX TAPE?
If you close your close your eyes, tap your feet together three times and say “there’s no place like home,” then perhaps you can....oh never mind. There is no Angelina Jolie sex tape available for public consumption. Not that one of her exes might not have shot one, especially as Ms. Jolie was quite vocal as being a super sexual person, but there’s no such thing as a legit one available. Of course, the internet is like a giant rigged carnival game, promising prizes that don’t really exist. To that end, you will find countless teasers floating around, and despite that they aren’t what you hope they would be, they still usually show the magnificent (and sometimes “Maleficent”) star looking sexy enough to devastate all in her gorgeous wake.
There are however several films in which she has done nude scenes. Perhaps the steamiest was 1998’s “Gia,” which earned her a Golden Globe. The film tells the story of former supermodel Gia Carangi, and it is just loaded with naked, sexy and even lesbian scenes with Angelina. It was made for HBO, putting another spin on “It’s Not TV. It’s Angelina Jolie crazy naked and kinky and darn right you’re happy to pay $15 a month extra for such hotness.”
Like a rollercoaster or the popularity of the band KISS, the size of Angelina Jolie’s breasts tend to go up and down. In her very first cinematic love scene, in the rather craptacular 1993 flick “Cyborg 2: Glass Shadow,” Ms. Jolie’s jolly boobs are much smaller than in later years. While the film itself is hardly one that will be looked at as one of her important performances, it does have martial arts, cyborgs and an 18 year old Angelina topless. Hurray for Hollywood!
ARE THERE OTHER MOVIES THAT HAVE ANGELINA JOLIE PARADING AROUND NAKED AND HOOKING UP WITH DUDES?
Why, of course there are. Until she became a serious humanitarian, buzzing around the world adopting 745 babies and saving the solar system from meanness, she tended to get naked lots in movies. Another of her memorable nude scenes was in 2004’s “Taking Lives.” Ethan Hawke is the lucky dude hanging out with her boobs in this film, proving once and for all that Ethan Hawke is luckier than people who don’t get to hang out with Angelina Jolie’s boobs.
It may not have been the most original film, and it’s hardly a sin if you skip through most of it, but 2001’s “Original Sin” featured not one, not two, but three scenes with a naked Angelina teasing the camera with her beauty. Antonio Banderas is the man touching her flesh in this one, which is definitely a step up from Melanie Griffith in most people’s judgement.You can see it here!
IS ANGELINA JOLIE SUPER VANILLA IN BED?
From the various quotes she’s given over the years about her sex life, the answer to that one is a big ol’ “no.” She told James Lipton on “Inside the Actors Studio that “it was that I had started having sex, and that sex didn't feel like enough, and no emotions were really enough, I didn't feel.... it's like there was always something I wanted to break out of, feel more, be more connected to another person, something more honest... and in kind of a moment of wanting to find something honest, I grabbed a knife, and I cut him and he cut me back, and we had this exchange, and then somehow ...covered in blood and my heart was racing and it was dangerous and life... and... and it suddenly felt more honest than whatever this sex thing was supposed to be, this connection between two people was supposed to be.”
Wow. For anyone who thought that James Lipton only asked boring questions, let that be a lesson to you.
WHO MIGHT HAVE ACTUALLY MADE A SEX TAPE WITH ANGELINA JOLIE?
The likely suspects would probably be one of her former lovers. One of her most famous, and certainly luckiest, would be former husband Billy Bob “Can you believe a guy named Billy Bob scored with Angelina Jolie” Thornton.
Tales of hot sex between Angelina and Billy Bob were rampant, largely fueled by tales that they wore vials of each other’s blood around their necks. Mr. Thornton wasn’t exactly thrilled as how the couple was portrayed in the media, telling Total Film Magazine that it was “a clear locket you’d put your grandmother’s picture in. That’s what we had, Angelina and I. And it was her idea that we literally prick our fingers and rub the blood on the glass in the locket and wear it. If it had been Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson, it would have been the most romantic story: this amazing couple that loved each other so much that when they were apart they would have these lockets where they’d pricked their fingers, like blood brothers. Angie and I do it and we’re these vampire blood-sucking creatures who wear tanks of blood around our necks.”
Another interesting ex of Angelina was model-actress Jenny Shimizu, who she met while making the 1996 film “Foxfire.” Ms. Jolie told Barbara Walters, when asked if she was bisexual, said "Of course. If I fell in love with a woman tomorrow, would I feel that it's okay to want to kiss and touch her? If I fell in love with her? Absolutely! Yes!"
Jenny Shimizu also had a relationship with Madonna, but whether that’s a step up or a step down is in the eye of the beholder.
Angelina’s first marriage was to the talented British actor Jonny Lee Miller, best known for his work in “Trainspotting” and the current CBS hit “Elementary.” They met on the set of 1995’s “Hackers,” and married in 1996. The always unconventional bride wore black rubber pants and a t-shirt with Miller’s name written on it in her blood.
WHY IS BRAD PITT SO LUCKY, BESIDES GETTING TO MAKE AN ANGELINA JOLIE SEX TAPE IF HE SO CHOOSES?
Dude, he’s Brad Pitt! Duh.