Rapper Cuts Off Penis, Becomes A Comedian

Andre Johnson, aka Christ Bearer, one time rapper and for all time mad man, last became a household name when he cut off his own penis and then jumped out a window.  You may recognize this as unusual behavior.  It was.  It still is.

Johnson says he was doing PCP at the time and didn’t plan on cutting off his junk or committing suicide, it was just one of those things you do on PCP.  And now that he’s decided to become a stand up comedian he tells the story of the incident including that he heard voices telling him to do it.

TMZ posted video of the stand up routine that is almost as painful as having your penis cut off.  It’s not funny so much as a guy on stage telling you how he cut off his penis and jumped out a window, but somehow devoid of soft violin music.

Christ Bearer -- I'm a Stand Up Comedian Now ... Obviously, I Do Penis Jokes - Watch More Celebrity Videos or Subscribe

No one at Break here is an accomplished stand up, but we watch a lot of comedy and we have some tips to offer as experts in the field of identifying funny.  This can be for anyone, whether or not they have a penis, or even part of one.

  • Self mutilation is rarely hilarious
  • If you have a self mutilation set in your act, make sure it has a good set up
  • Try to bury the self mutilation jokes between jokes about the differences between men and women, or white people and black people
  • Try to ease into the self mutilation.  Maybe a joke about scalding your leg or cutting your arm first, then removing your penis later, for added oomph.
  • Try the old switcheroo on audiences by setting up a joke about self mutilation and then making the punch line something less traumatic and disgusting.  Conversely, start a joke about airline peanuts, then make the punchline about cutting off your own penis.
  • Don’t emphasize self mutilation enough that people identify you as “that guy who cut off his own penis.”  It’s better if people know your name.
  • Make fun of other people who have no penis.  It’s not racist if you also have no penis.  John Bobbitt?  What a loser, am I right?
  • Focus on the positive and light hearted side of self mutilation.  More room in your pants to store stuff?
  • Make the centerpiece of your act not so much about the self mutilation, but maybe a funny thing that happened after you had no penis, like the time some guy tried to look at your gear at a urinal and ha ha, you just had a stump!
  • Use a realistic penis prop to scare audiences.  Maybe have it fall out of your pant leg.  Maybe put it in someone’s drink.