Redheads Are Unfit To Fly

Thanks to South Park, we’re all well aware that Gingers don’t have souls.  Apparently they’re also too terrifying to be allowed on planes “as is” since this story is basically just about how creepy one redheaded girl looked to airline staff. 

A 14 year old girl from Scotland, the natural homeland of the redhead, was set to go on a Maldives vacation with her family but airline staff refused her access to the plane.  She first needed to get checked by an airport paramedic and then they still insisted she get a note from a doctor indicating she was medically fit to fly.  None of this was because she was passing out waiting to board the plane or sweating and shaking uncontrollably or coughing up blood all over Wolfgang Puck’s restaurant, it was just because she’s pale.  Redheads are naturally pale. 

The paramedic at the airport already explained there was nothing wrong with the girl, but the family literally had to get a note from their family doctor that we can only assume said “In my medical opinion this girl is a redhead, please stop being idiots.”  Actually, this is what it said.

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Two hours before the flight was set to leave the airline relented and decided the girl could fly.  In an effort to continue to ruin the family’s vacation, the airline then lost half of their luggage by the time the plane landed, because how can you expect luggage to get on a plane with you, fly to your destination, and then get off the plane again?  What is this, science?  Airlines run on a system of loosely held superstitions and drunken, half-remembered promises, kind of like if a frat invented voodoo, and they can’t be expected to actually do the things they say they’ll do. Because seriously, that’s just silly.

The family said the airline had overbooked the flight and were desperate to keep passengers off of it, so the pale shtick was just a Hail Mary to keep a ginger from flying in a seat they’d already sold to someone else.    As for the bags, the airline told them they’d get them their stuff as soon as possible, which took several days and left them stranded in a place that had no stores, just a souvenir gift shop, and clothes meant for the cold weather in tropical heat.  So basically it was a dream vacation.

Let this be a lesson to you if you plan on travelling any time soon, maybe get a tan before you head out, or try to make yourself a little dusky, so that the airline staff don’t automatically presume you’re some kind of zombie.