Airbus Filed The Most Evil Airplane Seat Patent Yet: Stacking Passengers!

Hey you know what would make air travel more fun? Combine the hellish experience of flying jam packed with strangers for hours with the experience of a summer camp bunk bed complete with smelly feet and a fat kid crop dusting from above. While at first I thought this was a hoax, it appears that airplane manufacturing company Airbus has filed an actual patent for the design that seems more appropriate as a trap for one of those Saw movies. …Well, Halloween is coming up, maybe they are releasing Saw: Jigsaw On A Plane?


Oh good, they are facing each other too. Now they can play Rock, Paper, Scissors!

The recently filed patent is being referred to as the “mezzanine design” featuring two levels of passengers in a standard cabin. The second level of seats would replace the overhead bins to store your carryon luggage. Which is really smart; you want to cram people on top of each other and then piss them off because they have nowhere to put their bags.

I think we are going to need a bigger Air Marshal.

We all know the delightful humans we share this planet with can barely keep it together as they fly in normal airplane seats.  What would the added stress of having to sit ABOVE your fellow passenger do to air travel? People were trying use “knee defenders” to stop each other from reclining their seats, now travelers would need an umbrella to fend off dripping cheese wiz and body fluids from above.

In the patent application Airbus says; “In modern means of transport, in particular in aircraft, it is very important from an economic point of view to make optimum use of the available space in a passenger cabin.”

That sounds great; You can see here in this design that one passenger’s face is completely level with where another passenger’s ass will go. Hopefully nobody visits the Chili’s Too before boarding:

Making friends at 30 thousand feet.

This is not the first time we have seen the airline industry attempt to cram more people into a plane. First there was the design from France with passengers facing each other, then some Nobel Prize winning seat designers came up with “rolling seats.” OK, maybe these airplane designs are not meant to be practical? These crazy designs could be the Paris Fashion Week equivalent of airline seats, like those models they force to wear see-through trash baskets on their heads and everyone laughs at them.  

Just look at this! I’m telling you, the next design we see will be for a Passenger Human Centipede.

Maybe airplane engineers and designers get really bored? After all, how many times can they redesign the same crappy airplane seats we have been flying in for decades? There is probably a whole group of people at Airbus that sit around and have to justify their job, so they come up with this crazy crap. That is the only thing that makes sense!

Break Question Of The Day: Would you fly on bunk-airplane seats? Stack ‘em up!

Follow Phil Haney on Twitter @PhilHaney

Source: Wired