Correct me if I’m wrong, but most dudes wouldn’t mind it if their dicks magically grew an extra two inches overnight. Shit, I wouldn’t mind if my tits went up another two cup sizes overnight – we all have aspects of ourselves we wish we could change. But because it’s 2017 and plastic surgery is becoming ever-increasingly affordable, science has finally achieved what Internet sidebar ads have always promised, yet never delivered:
You can now add two inches of girth to your dick…but for real this time.
No, it’s not a scam. No, this isn’t a thinly-veiled ad that eventually leads to you getting beaten and robbed of all your organs in a dimly lit alleyway. No, I’m not insinuating that you have a tiny dick – but speaking of tiny dicks, you know who gets all uppity about their dick size without it ever being brought up? People with tiny dicks (for the record, yes: now I’m insinuating that you have a tiny dick.)
According to Metro, New York surgeon Dr. Norman Rowe has figured out how to add width to your junk with a new minimally-invasive technique that only takes twenty minutes. Basically all you do is have some blood drawn, and then the surgeon takes your blood and injects it back into your dick. There’s no recovery period needed and you can expect to have a growth of 1.5 inches in girth.
That may not sound like a lot, but think of it like this – if you have a micropenis, congrats! You now have an awkward chode. Not exactly an improvement, but at least no one will ask “Where is it?” the next time you drop trou after a hot date. Got larger than a micropenis? Congrats! Be happy that god doesn’t hate you and crank your dick up with as much blood as you like.
The biggest downside, unfortunately, is that the results aren’t permanent – eventually the blood will redistribute back throughout your body. It IS also possible to screw up the symmetry of your dick if you go and try to pound holes immediately afterward, which is why Dr. Rowe advises that his patients refrain from sex for two days after having the procedure.
And that’s how you get your dick to go in a zig-zag pattern.
What do you think — is taking a needle to the dick worth 1.5 inches? Would you pay for Dr. Rowe’s procedure? Let us know in the comments!