ABC Is Awfully Nervous About Iggy Azalea’s & JLo’s Butts

We may live in a new age of enlightenment where we don’t burn people for practicing witchcraft or believe that tiny elves cause disease but we still have plenty of things to be afraid of like female butts. Apparently, everyone at ABC is constantly having to change their underwear because of a scheduled performance by Iggy Azalea and Jennifer Lopez that will air on the American Music Awards, according to TMZ. 


If you haven’t seen the video because you have HR rules in the office that prevent you from viewing such a thing or good taste in music, Iggy and J.Lo perform a song together called “Booty” that includes a video in which they basically rub butts together a lot while singing. They are supposed to sing the song together during the AMAs and ABC is really worried about either of their butts getting more than their fair share of camera time. The network’s censors have insisted that their butts behave during the performance. They are not allowed to show any butt cracks and they cannot rub together and just in case they do, they will have a 3 to 4 second delay ready to go if their butts get out of line. 


We can’t help but imagine the censors literally having a face to face chat with Iggy and J.Lo’s butts as they furiously point their fingers at them and tell them the ground rules of what they can and can’t do during their performance. Since when have we become so afraid of butts? Maybe part of the story is missing. Did Iggy and J.Lo have their butts weaponized or something?