A Baltimore Seafood Restaurant Just Roasted PETA All Over Twitter

Oh, PETA. Y’all could have a great message if you didn’t have to be so goddamn radical about it. It’s not like animal abuse is sitting pretty at #1 on the list of “Favorite American Pastimes,” but the problem is that list item #2 is “Eating so much red meat you shit hot dogs for a week.” We don’t like it when you beat your pets, but fuck your cows I’m hungry. And because PETA can’t just pivot to the more casual end of their viewpoint, they get stuck in dumb Twitter fights where they get absolutely roasted – take for example, Jimmy’s Famous Seafood.

Jimmy’s is a Baltimore staple. Having lived in Maryland for the majority of my life, I feel like I have the authority to say that if you take crabs and dope-ass seafood restaurants away from Baltimore, there is nothing left. The Orioles generally suck, most city residents know at least one person who’s been the victim of a crime, and even though buying drinks for $3.50 each as opposed to $10 like you do in DC is nice, I’d rather pay $10 and walk home knowing I’m not going to get stabbed. Baltimore has character and potential, but it is also a shithole that the state isn’t willing to pump money in to fix. So when PETA threatened crabs, Baltimore’s (and Maryland’s) main claim to fame, it was game on.

Baltimore Seafood Restaurant Roasts PETA On Twitter

To be fair to PETA, they’ve got a point — I do not want to be boiled alive. But to be fair to the food chain, I am not a small crustacean that eats poop on the ocean floor. Also, I will scream if you boil me, and whereas crabs are silent and tasty I am loud and filled with LDL cholesterol. Not exactly the best example, PETA.

But PETA wasn’t Jimmy’s only target that day, as anyone who dared speak ill against them got a fucking spanking:

For the record…

…her hair isn’t THAT bad….

…but we also don’t need fuckin’ Kid inserting himself into this conversation. Your white knighting isn’t going to get you laid in real life, nor is it going to work on the Internet.

Baltimore Seafood Restaurant Roasts PETA On Twitter: It Won’t Stop

I could keep going, but Jimmy’s already had the right idea:

Kip wouldn’t fuck off because it appears he doesn’t have any other interests or hobbies besides getting into fights with random Twitter accounts, so Jimmy’s shut him up with a final roast:

Sadly, Kip deleted most of his tweets. Kip is a little bitch.

As for PETA…Jimmy’s kept the hits rolling:

So now Baltimore has two things to be proud of: Jimmy’s Famous Seafood and crabs. Good job guys, now just clean up so I can walk around in flip-flops without getting a needle poked into my foot and you’ll have white people lining up to gentrify the place in no time.

[H/T Sun Times]