9 Crimes Involving Santa Claus Getting Arrested

In the 1984 movie Silent Night, Deadly Night Santa robs a convenience store. Needless to say, that’s a crime punishable by having to go to jail or being forced to watch Silent Night, Deadly Night 5.  Strange as it might seem, crimes involving people dressed as Santa Claus are usually on the rise during the month of December. I’m serious.

And nothing can have more cruel irony than having someone in a Santa suit commit a crime. (Unless it’s during SantaCon and they’re just being a drunken douchebag.) Ready to get into the holiday spirit? Here are a few crimes committed by St. Nick. Just remember, this guy sees you when you’re sleeping and knows when you’re awake!

1) Santa Getting Arrested In Front of Kids

Want to feel bad about humanity? Nothing can be sadder for all parties involved than seeing Santa Claus getting arrested in front of a group of children.

“Tell me why I’m being arrested. I’m an American. I’m Santa Claus!” says Santa Claus as he gets handcuffed by authorities. His charge was writing in chalk on the sidewalk outside the Texas State Capital. Someone has been naughty – not nice – and they’re name is “the police.”

2) The Great SantaCon Heist

This sounds like something straight out of the movie Point Break; during the annual drunken SantaCon pub crawl, a guy dressed up as Santa Claus, entered a bank, handed a note to the teller, and got away with robbing the place for an undisclosed amount of cash. Once the bank robbery was complete, he slipped back into the crowd of identically dressed Santas and got away. Ho-ho-ho!

3) Santa Arrested At the Crestwood Gas Compression Station

Santa was pissed off that climate change was melting the North Pole. So he and his elves took to protesting and declared: Christmas Against Crestwood. Santa’s crew blocked the entrance of the facility. St. Nick was cuffed-and-stuffed and put into the sheriff’s van – in front of his minion who burst into carols.

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4) Santa Claus Arrested At Wal-Mart

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Santa takes on a lot of political causes. Here the Jolly ‘Ol Fella gets arrested during a sit-down strike at a Wal-Mart in Ontario, CA during Black Friday. Santa wanted Wal-Mart workers to be paid a living wage. The police wanted to arrest him. And that’s what they did. Jingle all the way…

5) Santa Arrest For Violating Church and State

Santa was arrested at a school for giving out gifts – which they said violated the separation of church and state. Though the whole thing was a ruse to teach the kids a civics lesson… or just mentally F them up for life. You decide!

6) Jovial Santa Robs A Nashville Bank

In 2009, a man dressed as Santa Claus entered a bank in Nashville and demanded money at gunpoint. He pulled out his firearm from a little red sack and told everyone to keep still. The most freaky part, witnesses say that Santa remained jovial the whole time during the robbery. And no, he didn’t make a getaway on a sled.

7) Santa Robs Post Office

A Santa robs a post office in Australia. The teller though St. Nick was there to hand out candy – and became horrified when he demanded money and started stuffing handfuls of cash into his red bag. The best part of these incidents is hearing the commentators make really bad Santa/robbery jokes:

8) Santa Robs Florida Bank

This time, a Santa entered a bank with a wrapped packed, placed it on the counter, and told the teller that the package contained something “dangerous.” Kris Kringle left with cash – and left the package on the counter. The bomb squad was called  – and officials declared the content was harmless. (Ready for the joke?) It must have contained my mother-in-laws fruit cake – but I wouldn’t say it’s harmless!

9) Santa Flasher

A man dressed as Santa Claus was arrested at a mall for dropping his pants. He did this several times. The man was not working at the mall at the time. Ready for the joke? Talk about jingle balls!  

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