These Real, Homemade Prison Weapons Ain’t Nothing To Mess With

Two things are true of everyone in prison: one, they're all innocent (if you ask them). Two, they can make a weapon out of literally anything. Since knives, guns and explosives are all banned from prison grounds, prisoners that want cool weapons have to let out their inner Maguyvers and created their armamants out of inconspicuous every day objects. The results are often insane.

Crucifix Shiv

This shiv concealed in a wooden crucifix is a great tool for anyone that needs to shank but wants to be inconspicuous about it. A standard wooden cross is a pretty common item for inmates to construct in their prison workshops. With that in mind, it’s not surprising that an inmate would build a cross and conceal a sharpened piece of metal inside. Bonus points, you can use this weapon to stab guards AND vampires.

Crossbow

This improvised crossbow, built by an inmate in a medium security prison in Canada contains “10 toothbrushes, a cigarette lighter, a section of ballpoint pen casing, a piece of wire coat hangar, a section of a pair of aluminum cafeteria tongs, assorted electrical components, pieces of yellow rubber gloves, some Kleenex, a piece of string, and a few screws. The darts were made from tightly rolled paper, Q-tips, aluminum foil found in cigarette packs, pieces of wire and masking tape.” It could fire a dart over 40 feet and was pretty damn accurate. Meanwhile, I can barely tie my shoelaces in the morning.

Knuckleduster

This pair of “knucks” might not be as impressive as a crossbow, but with it’s simple design—it was made with just a metal filing tool, some cloth and some string—it could definitely aid in smashing some faces.

Pistol

This double barreled prison pistol is pretty damned genius. It looks to have been made out of a few pieces of loose piping. The incarcerated owner of this tiny side arm used match heads as gun powder and small chunks of metal as bullets. Was this a great gun? No, but this prisoner definitely deserves points for ingenuity. Hell, he deserves time off his sentence for this feat of engineering.

Whip

If you’re a prisoner that wants to assault inmates in style, you might want to try this razor lined whip. This whip was found in a prison in Germany and if you're wondering if the inmate who built it was on drugs at the time, the answer is yes. Also probably right now.

Shotgun

If you thought an improvised pistol was cool, you’ll love this improvised shotgun. It was fashioned largely out of bedposts and tape, with an old battery and some glass from a light bulb as a firing pin. An inmate used this slapdash firearm to take a guard hostage and successfully escape. Sure, it looks like a prop in a movie made by fourth graders, but you can't argue with results.

Melted Chocolate

That isn't chocolate. It's napalm. When thrown in molten form into the face of a guard. Prisoners have been known to use makeshift hot plates to heat these sugary liquid missiles before letting the hot fudge fly. When it hits, It burns like hell and takes a lot of work to get off your skin. No one in the prison yard will look down on you if you tell them you lost your eye in a chocolate fight. Well, they might a little bit.