7 Insanely Expensive New Year’s Eve Parties For The Wealthy

On New Year’s Eve, there has got to be a lot of Eye’s Wide Shut shit going down. Depraved parties that only the illuminati knows about, where they partake in a huge gangbang over a sacrificed goat – which is restricted to members of the Anunnaki.

New Years Eve is always a celebration of forced fun; where you always feel left out at not attending the best party and kissing the hottest babe when midnight rolls around. For those of us who will be drinking a 40 out of a brown bag at some house party – here are a few crazy expensive New Years Eve celebrations that will make you feel really bad about your meager little existence.

Rich Homie Quan, Young Thug,  & Birdman at Cameo in Miami

Michael Keaton is going to be there? Sweet!

 Cost: $100,000

For a tenth of a million dollars ($7,751 in service charges you can go to South Beach’s skankiest hip-hop club and meet-and-greet from Young Money mastermind in his studio with four of your friends, enjoy ten bottles of GT Vodka, 50 bottles of rosé Champagne, five bottles of Hennessy VS, and ten bottles of Patrón. If this doesn’t prove to your friends that you don’t have a little penis, take a moment to rub $100 bills all over your bare chest while doing a mound of coke that would make Tony Montana in Scarface envious.

Mile High NYE

Cost: $14,246: 

Private Fly will let you hop on a private plane and celebrate the New Year twice by cruising over the International Date Line via jet.  Your charter jet leaves Sydney Australia at 2 a.m. on Jan. 1 and lands in Los Angeles at 8 p.m. on Dec 31st. So you celebrate New Years – take a bit of a rest – then celebrate New Years once again. Just like the movie Groundhogs Day; but with New Year’s Eve and spending the evening throwing up twice on your tuxedo.

Rent A Private Island In The Bahamas

Cost: $13,685 per night 

This would be great to put on the company credit card; Rent your very own 50-acre private island in the Bahamas’ Exuma Cays – for you and 25 of your closest friends – or enemies you’d like to hunt. Your NYE island is located 200 miles from Miami and includes a 13 bedroom/bathroom house – so everyone gets bonking privacy; along with six separate villas are situated on the expansive sandy cove. A great way to ring in the New Year while laughing at the rest of stupid humanity and their dumb little lives.    

A Royal NYE In Your Very Own Castle

Cost: $4,520 per night 

Spend your New Years Eve pretending you’re a cast member on Downton Abbey in your very own castle. Rule over your NYE celebration like King Henry the 8th (if he were French) in the Loire Valley of central France. Your New Years Eve castle sleeps 30 people in 14 bedrooms and contains 365 windows, 52 fireplaces, and 12 turrets. Eat a mutton chop and have a scandalous affair with one of your servants – and if your party guests aren’t having a fun time – order for their execution: you got your very own damn castle!

Living the Dream at PH-D

Cost: $30,000

When they don’t use commas, you know it’s expensive.

The ‘Living the Dream’ NYE package at PH-D comes with 18 Bottles of Belvedere Vodka and 18 Bottles of Perrier Jouet Nuit Blanche Rose for you and 25 of your friends. Take in an epic view of the Empire State Building as you practice sneering at those who are in the cheap seats and manifest an elaborate Ponzi scheme for 2015.

High Roller on the Vegas Strip

Cost: $5,000

Nothing says overly expensive New Years than a spending it on a motionless Ferris Wheel over the Las Vegas Strip. Forget the crowds of “the ordinaries” – spend your NYE high above everyone in with a stationary view of the midnight fireworks from the observation wheel. Your Ferris Wheel cabin will rest on the top of the arc at midnight. The $5,000 package includes a full premium bar. Practical question: where do you pee in a motionless Ferris Wheel?   

New Years Eve in a UK Fort

Cost: $15,600

Nothing says extravagant New Years Eve fun than spending it in an old-timey fort off the cost of the UK. Spend NYE on Spitbank Fort in the middle of the Solent Strait off the Isle of Wight. Your 1878 fort includes a rooftop pool, cocktail bar, and four-course, black tie dinner  – after which you and your friends can watch fireworks and make jokes at the expense of poor people.

Follow Harmon Leon on Twitter @HarmonLeon