7 Holiday Movies With Horrendous Straight To DVD Sequels

Movies sequels are usually born out of greed as a means to cash in on the original. For the most part, the efforts are deprived of originality and creativity and are a soulless means to generate some quick revenue at the box office – by virtually making the same movie once again.

Even worse are movies sequels that go straight-to-DVD or make their world premiere on television. These cinematic vehicles are usually filled with a completely different cast of actors badly in need of work – with the movie promo aping the fun of the original with an empty shell of a payoff. It really doesn’t matter if the connection to the original is a weak thread (being it doesn’t contain any of the original actors) – this is all about brand familiarity over a gullible public. Since it’s the holidays here are the worst straight-to-DVD Christmas movie sequels of all time:

Christmas Story 2

A Christmas Story, released in 1893, is one of the most beloved holiday movies of all time. The movie follows the exploits of young Ralphie who has to convince his parents that a Red Ryder B.B. gun really is the perfect Christmas gift. Also, some kid gets his tongue stuck to a pole by licking it.

The 2012 straight-to-DVD sequel takes place six years later from the original – and stars no one remotely connected to the first movie. (Though we do get the addition Daniel Stern from the Home Alone movies.) Ralphie is now a teenager and wants a used 1939 Mercury convertible for Christmas – which causes a series of crazy things to happen. Brian Orndorf of Blu-ray.com (even the reviewers are second-rate) summed up the sequel best: “Shamelessly derivative and plasticized, A Christmas Story 2 will only have you wondering why you’re not watching the original picture again.”

Watch the trailer:

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Larry the Cable Guy in Jingle All The Way 2’

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In the sequel to the 1996 Schwarzenegger milk toast movie, Larry the Cable guy plays a character called “Larry.”  But instead of portraying a father who wants to get his son a Turbo Man action figure for Christmas, Larry (played by Larry the Cable Guy) wants to get his daughter a talking bear for Christmas.  Jingle All The Way 2 has a distinct plot twist from the original: His daughter’s step-dad intends to make sure that Larry doesn’t succeed in his quest for a talking bear purchase. (Bastard.) Straight-to-DVD comedy hijinks follows.

The original movie was co-written by Chris Columbus (who directed Home Alone and Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone) and costarred the late and great Phil Hartman. Jingle All The Way 2 was directed by Alex Zam whose credits include the Carrot Top movie, Chairman of the Board.

Watch The Trailer: 

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Home Alone: The Holiday Heist (Home Alone Part 5)

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Yes everyone’s favorite home invasion filicide movie is back for a 5th time. In the trailer, Home Alone: The Holiday Heist trumpets: “New bad guys and a new hero…” Yes, though you might not recognize a single soul from the original movie, it still has some kid on the DVD cover striking that classic Macaulay Culkin pose. (Though what the hell is Clockwork Orange’s Malcom McDowell doing in this piece of shit!?)

Basically the plot is exactly the same as all the other Home Alone movies; crooks try to break in and there’s booby-traps. Oh, and for some reason Home Alone: The Holiday Heist takes place in Maine.

Watch the trailer:

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National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie’s Island Adventure

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The original National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation movie was based on a short story written in the magazine by John Hughes of The Breakfast Club fame and starred Chevy Chase.The sequel stars no one from the original movie, except Randy Quaid reprising his role as Cousin Eddie. The plot: A holiday to the South Pacific turns awry, when Cousin Eddie’s family and a tour guide are shipwrecked on an island.

The original’s tagline is: “Yule Crack Up.” The sequel’s: “Eddie is ready for the holidays. But are the holidays ready for Eddie?”

Cameo appearances trumpets comedy stars whose careers are in desperation: Eric Idle, Fred Willard, and Ed Asner.I couldn’t find a trailer fro the movie, but here’s a clip of Randy Quaid falling out of a tree on top of a pig:

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Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause

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You can actually purchase the Santa Clause Holiday Collection – which is 3 DVD’s of the exact same movie. Santa, aka Scott Calvin, is faced with double-duty: how to keep his new family happy, and how to stop Jack Frost from taking over Christmas. Martin Short costars as Jack Frost –and hits Tim Allen in the face with a shovel. The ad campaign boasts that it’s the final chapter in the greatest Santa story ever told…Rotten Tomatoes gave the movie 1 star: “Santa’s traditional cry of ho-ho-ho has never sounded more like three stab wounds of pain and horror.”

Watch the trailer – and consider it 2 minutes of your life you’ll never get back:

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My Summer Story

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My bad; this is actually the first sequel to A Christmas Story – released in 1994. As the title suggests, it takes place during the summer, and stars Macaulay Culkin’s brother Kieran as Ralphie. The only returning cast member is Ralphie’s teacher Miss Shield. Jean Sheperd, the author of the original, declared: “This one is a real turkey.”

Watch TheTrailer:

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‘Marley and Me: The Puppy Years’

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This isn’t a holiday movie sequel –but this straight-to-DVD classic makes our list for the following reasons: No Owen Wilson. No Jennifer Aniston. But Marley is back. And he’s a puppy – who can now TALK!

Watch The Trailer:

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