Movie: Tromeo & JulietIf you thought having Leonardo Dicaprio star in a modern day reboot of Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet was weird, then you need to see Tromeo & Juliet. Set in NYC, Tromeo & Juliet reimagines all the illicit sex and violence of Shakespeare but with a lot more blood, gore and wang monsters.
The independent movie studio produces an assortment of insanity; but nothing is as insane as this crotch monster. This scene is meant to symbolize Tromeo’s inner conflict at sleeping with his family’s enemy and how it might rip apart his life. My high school English teacher would be proud at how I just deconstructed the meaning from the subtext here. Tromeo should really get this looked at by a doctor, that’s what he gets for sleeping around. Honestly though I’ve had weirder sexual experiences.
Terror Firmer is one of those “movies within a movie” following the story of a B horror film crew led by a blind director (played by Lloyd Kaufman) that is plagued by a serial killer, killing everyone off. On most Hollywood movies, they would shut down if a union crew member got a paper cut, let alone was murdered. However in the world of making Troma movies this makes sense as, I bet they would totally keep going.
Troma movies have a little something for everyone no matter what you’re into; transvestites, decapitations and fat guys getting eaten by an escalator. Ever since I was a kid I’ve had a fear of tripping on an escalator and getting my hand caught inside. This Terror Firmer scene proves that my fears are justified!
Movie: Killer CondomKiller Condom is a German made movie about an American detective who is tracking down a killer that is chopping off the members of men who visit a sleazy hotel for sex. He soon discovers that it’s not a person, but an infestation of mutant condoms with razor sharp teeth that are biting off the dude’s penises during sex. Killer Condom is sometimes shown in German schools as part of abstinence education.
Once you watch Troma movies it will alter the way you look at movies, sexuality and the meaning of life. There is no one-scene from Killer Condom that is as crazy as the premise itself: mutant condoms with teeth that remove the condom user’s manhood. It was all part of an effort by the film makers to promote unprotected sex.
Two old sisters invite their family over for dinner, except for their asshole of a Nephew who is a Satan worshiper. Everyone in the family is only being nice to the old ladies because they want to get on their good side and be left something in their will. However the Satan worshiper casts a spell that turns the old sisters into demons and all hell breaks loose. Sounds like a typical Thanksgiving with your family, am I right?
If you have ever had to sit through a boring dinner party, then you will totally sympathize with the two old ladies in Rabid Grannies who go ape shit after waiting for a knife to cut the cake. This is one movie where I was definitely rooting for the grannie demons to murder their entire family. If only you could getting rid of diner guests in real life was this simple.
Movie: Killer NerdThis extreme low budget film and its sequel Bride of Killer Nerd stars “Genuine Nerd” Toby Radloff. Radloff was also featured in Harvey Pekar’s autobiographical comic book American Splendor and was played by 30 Rock’s Judah Friedlander in the film adaptation. Other than that bit of trivia, Killer Nerd is pretty bad, following a guy that makes Napoleon Dynamite look like George Clooney as he goes on a killing spree of delightfully bad acting and awesomely shitty jokes.
Movie: Class of Nuke'em HighYou’ll notice that there is a lot of penis, sex and toxic radiation issues happening in Troma movies. All of these things get combined in the Class of Nuke ‘Em High films. No one seems to mind that their high school is next to a nuclear power plant. When the school gang picks leaves off of a radioactive marijuana plant and starts selling it to the teens, everyone starts getting weird side effects. (No not cancer like would happen in real life.) One girl gives birth to a monster which eventually destroys the school! That’s better than a snow day.
In this scene a young girl learns that even if it’s your first time there are serious consequences to having sex with Kermit The Frog. Is that an evil tadpole? Seriously, they should have let Lloyd Kaufman direct the new TMNT film.
Troma is probably best known for 1985’s The Toxic Avenger; the R rated raunchy comedy was even made into a Saturday morning children’s cartoon. This is the film that started it all, and has everything: child murder, decapitations, amputations, head crushing and a love story. We follow the story of Melvin, the janitor at a health club who is constantly bullied and accidently falls into a vat of toxic waste. Instead of dying instantly, he becomes super strong and fights bad guys.
Here is a clip of the best death scenes to give you a taste. Everything about the death scenes in The Toxic Avenger is so balls to the wall insane that no one head crushing can encapsulate the variety of gooey weirdness. The best thing I learned from The Toxic Avenger is that the human head has the consistency of a watermelon.
What is your favorite Troma movie?Follow Phil Haney @PhilHaney