I'm not a smart man, but there are two things in this world of which I’m absolutely certain. The first is that women be shoppin’ (amiright fellas?). The second is that celebrities should never, under any circumstances, say anything remotely sympathetic, or even neutral, about Adolf Hitler and the National Socialist German Works Party (a.k.a. the Nazis, for those in the history biz).
Never. Never, ever, ever.
Is it possible for an educated individual with a complex understanding of 20th century history to have a nuanced conversation about Hitler? Sure, but ain’t nobody got time for that. We live in a world where thousands of assholes like myself are begging for a celebrity to say something stupid so we can write a list just like this one. Context be damned! I get paid by the word. I need copy!
Besides, even if a celebrity’s observation about Hitler is true, it still comes across as really creepy. If someone is willing to risk their career and reputation just to point out that a man who tried to exterminate European Jewry also managed to build a nice highway system, something deeper is probably at play.
And on the other hand, if a celebrity is a total wing nut like Tila Tequila who believes “Zionists” are controlling the world from the shadows, how hard will it be for them to take down a chick who hasn’t been able to land a reality TV gig for the past five years? Best to shut your pie hole, Tila!
So no matter how you slice it, celebrities talking shop about Hitler is bad for business. If for some reason you aren’t convinced of this fact, please take a look at the following seven examples.
It’s been said that fame is fickle. This is doubly true for Tia Tequila, a woman whose major claim to fame is being the most popular artist on MySpace circa 2006. Today, that’s the equivalent of being the world’s largest dial-up modem manufacturer. No one cares.
So to get herself back in the game, Tila recently did when any self-respecting reality-famewhore would do: She posted a picture of herself dressed like a Nazi standing in front of a concentration camp, and made several insane conspiracy posts on her blog.
The verdict’s still out on how this will affect her career in the notoriously pro-Hitler entertainment industry, but one thing is certain: Bob Smith Toyota must be very unhappy with their choice of ad networks right about now.
While we’re talking about reality show famewhores, we might as well move on to Aubrey O’Day. Like Tila, she too made a career by showing her breasts and starring in shitty MTV reality shows. And like Tila, she also couldn’t resist referring to one of the most detested mass murderers in the history of Western Civilization as “brilliant.”
"Listen, I don't condone Hitler one ounce, but yes, he was a brilliant man. Can you guys say that he wasn't? He ran a country and convinced everyone of horrible things."
Granted, what she’s saying isn’t an endorsement of Hitler, and maybe you can see the point she’s trying to make. And according to a nonworking link on Wikipedia, she has a degree in political science, so maybe she’s studied the subject. But when your job is to sing songs and jiggle your breasts, why in the hell are you on television talking about Hitler in the first place?
If you’re trying to convince people that you should be running a government, it’s best not to let on that you have an admiration for Adolf Hitler. This fact wasn’t lost on Arnold Schwarzenegger during his successful run for governor of California in 2003. At the time, he denied allegations of publicly admiring der Führer back in the 1970’s while he was a professional weightlifter. But years later after he was out of office, he fessed up to the following quote.
"I admired Hitler for instance because he came from being a little man with almost no formal education, up to power. And I admire him for being such a good public speaker and for his way of getting to the people and so on. But I didn't admire him for what he did with it."
Like Aubrey O'Day, Arnie isn’t endorsing anything Hitler did. And granted, this was back before he was involved in politics. But again, why is a weightlifter talking about Hitler? He could have picked literally any other leader or public speaker to admire. Why not Gerald Ford? The man could work a crowd!
Lars Von Trier
Danish film director Lars von Trier is known for his provocative films. But the problem with being a provocateur is that after a while, it’s hard to provoke. Creating a film called Antichrist and filling it with scenes of genital mutilation sure won’t play well in Peoria, but it’s not going to faze the fart sniffers in the “artistic community.” So when Lars felt like pissing off the avant garde crowd, he chose the Hitler route. Sure enough, that did the trick.
"For a long time, I thought I was a Jew and I was happy to be a Jew…. But then I found out I was actually a Nazi. My family were German. And that also gave me some pleasure. What can I say….I understand Hitler…..I think he did some wrong things, yes, absolutely, but I can see him sitting in his bunker. ... I understand much about him and I sympathize with him a bit."
As a result of his stupid quotes, he was banned from the Cannes Film Festival (the ban was later lifted) and wildly criticized by his peers. But have no fear! Next year he’s releasing a five-hour pseudo-porn called Nyphmaniac which features full penetration, so I’m sure he’ll be back in the film community’s good graces in no time.
They say it’s bad form to speak ill of the dead, so I won’t take up much time on former Cincinnati Reds owner Marge Schott. Although considering she used to use racial slurs to describe her own baseball players, I doubt anyone would be too upset if we dishonored her memory, with the possible exception of Hitler, of whom Schott was quite fond.
In 1996, Shott told ESPN, "Everything you read, when he came in [to power] he was good... They built tremendous highways and got all the factories going... Everybody knows he was good at the beginning but he just went too far."
Again with the highway shit? Why are people always so keen to point out that Hitler built nice roads? Considering he built them so he could more quickly mobilize his troops, it’s kind of like admiring the woodwork in Ariel Castro's basement.
So yes, the guy built some nice highways. But to paraphrase The Big Lebowski, you’re not wrong, Marge, you're just an asshole.
On a side note, you'd think a woman who owned the "Reds" would be more into Stalin.
They say politics makes strange bedfellows. Well, anti-Semitism does as well. After all, you wouldn’t expect a homosexual fashion designer from England to be expressing admiration for Hitler. But John Galliano did so multiple times, and once while being filmed. He later blamed the rant on alcohol and valium. I guess that’s better than blaming it on the “media,” which is run by the “you know whoooos.”
"No, but I love Hitler and people like you would be dead today. Your mothers, your forefathers, would all be f****** gassed and fucking dead."
I know the enemy of your enemy is your friend, but if your enemy is going to murder you after he gets done murdering your enemy, I’m not sure that axiom holds up.
This list features quotes about one of the most hated men in History. So let's end it with a quote from one of the most hated men on the planet, Kanye West.
West had this to say about Hitler at England's Big Chill Festival in 2011.
"I walk through the hotel and I walk down the street and people look at me like I'm f****** insane, like I'm Hitler…..One day the light will shine through and one day people will understand everything I ever did."
Granted, unlike the other quotes on this list, it's not expressing any admiration for Hitler. But comparing anyone to Kanye West will make them look better by comparison. So Kanye is inadvertently doing Hitler a favor.
Way to go, Kanye. You've helped Hitler and Kim Kardashian.