For all you commenters who love to scream “FAKE!” on every weird, yet TRUE news story you come across on the Internet, today is the day you have a legitimate reason to be skeptical and reinforce your paranoid world view for the rest of the year- yay! If you’re like me you look forward to all of the pranks and hoaxes that people pull on April 1st- said no one. April Fool’s Day is a day of LIES!
Best movie ever! – April Fool’s!
Although this year big companies and media outlets are even getting in on the action and there were a few “good ones.” If telling your boyfriend you are pregnant, or announcing on Facebook that you have a terminal illness are last year’s jokes, you might enjoy some these elaborate LOLs that they actually tried to pull over on people. Side note: as a reminder you need to pick up a bottle of Burger King’s Whopper scented perfume that went on sale today.
1. Mad Max: Fury Road Power Wheels Desert Drifter!
Parents who are huge Mad Max fans can now start their own post-apocalyptic gang for their little road warriors. In the ultimate piece of movie merchandizing that is too good to be true the folks over at ThinkGeek unveiled the Mad Max: Fury Road Power Wheels Desert Drifter! The mini vehicle come fully loaded in three different styles including Furty Roadster, Master Blaster ATV and Rage Rover, complete with dart and harpoon guns. Watch the commercial for the new Power Wheels you will want to steal for it’s gasoline here:
2. Petco’s Dog Selfie Stick
Not available in stores, for sale “today only” PetCo “unleashed” the Dog On A Stick– a selfie stick for dogs. For only $49.95 they will even throw in a cat selfie stick as well. Both are activated to take selfies via a bark or meow. The awesome thing about humanity is I can see people actually buying these.
3. Uber Boat
Ahead of the rainy season and potential flooding in Thailand, Uber will be testing out an “Uber Boat” program. So instead of riding in some guy’s car, you will be riding in some guy’s boat. While this might be a great idea if you live in Venice, Italy, the Bangkok Uber Boat service would drive boats down the flooded roadways. Now if they come out with Uber Airplane or Uber Flying car, I’m down.
4. The Samsung Galaxy Blade
Billed as the “world’s first smart knife” Samsung has sliced through the competition by being the first smart phone that can cut an actual apple in half. It has all of the features of a normal smart phone in addition to a handle and a “razor sharp diamond edge” along it’s display screen – which would be a perfect gift this April Fool’s Day for people who can’t stop texting and driving.
5. CERN Scientists Use The Large Hadron Collider To Confirm Existence of The Force.
When they are not smashing atoms and potentially creating a black hole that will swallow the Earth, scientists at CERN announced that after years of work they have finally discovered proof of the existence of The Force – from Star Wars. Researcher Ben Kenobi says The Force binds the galaxy together, while dark matter researcher Dave Vader dismisses the claims. CERN said in a statement that the breakthrough has “Practical applications so far include long-distance communication, influencing minds, and lifting heavy things out of swamps.”
6. BMW Motor Mouth-Mouth Guards
The German car maker announced that it is introducing a line of mouth guards for rugby players delivering them the same top quality impact protection that their drivers have come to expect.
“The interior of the guard uses tyre tread technology and grips accordingly, while the BMW signature kidney grille lies between the front incisors acting as an elegant respiration vent.”
I guess if you wear one of these you can self-importantly cut people off while they are talking, without using your blinker.
7. Branson to Move Virgin To Branson, Missouri
Richard Branson, the eccentric billionaire and CEO of Virgin announced that he was moving his company’s US operations to Branson, Missouri since he discovered his “long lost relations” there. “With such a name” he couldn’t resist finding out more. In fact his Great- Great Uncle Ruben S. Branson founded the town! With the big corporate move Virgin America airlines will fly into Branson, Virgin Hotels will open a new location and Virgin Produced will film their next feature film in the Branson! And it’s all a big hoax. Why would a major international company ever move to your shitty town, and create thousands of new jobs- yay! Happy April Fool’s Day!
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Follow Phil Haney on Twitter @PhilHaney