No Joke: Grandma is Suing All Homosexuals

We hear about frivolous lawsuits a lot in America but this lawsuit that was recently filed by a 66 year old woman named Sylvia Driskell may just be the most insane lawsuit in the history of all lawsuits.  The handwritten filing, which is totally real even if it’s unlikely ever to make it to trial in a courtroom, lists Sylvia as Plaintiff and Ambassador to her two co-Plaintiffs, God, and his son Jesus Christ.  The defendants are simply “Homosexuals.”  She also mentions they have an alias, which is “Gay.”

Why is this Omaha granny suing homosexuals?  As her filing states, it’s so that a local judge in Nebraska can settle for her (and God) the matter on whether or not homosexuality is a sin.  For proof that it is a sin, she offers up a couple of Bible passages and the fact that homosexuals themselves know it’s a sin because otherwise why would they be in the closet?

Sylvia also explains how gays can’t marry because both the Bible and Webster’s Dictionary use the terms “husband” and “wife” when describing marriage.  Then she laces into gays having kids by asserting that a good parent has to talk the talk and walk the walk.  She literally wrote those words.  In a legal filing.  On behalf of Jesus.

Sylvia is naturally representing herself in this case due to the fact she’s clearly a few altos short of a choir.  Her choice of Biblical passages are cherry picked and interpreted to support her cause – for instance, in the original Hebrew the tale of Sodom and Gomorrah has nothing to do with homosexuality and the sins committed in Sodom are about pride and being inhospitable, the towns people demanded Lot turn over the angels not because they wanted sex with them, but because they were suspicious of strangers – and she never actually picks a defendant, she just lists all gays.  Can all gay people end up in a courtroom or can they just pick one guy to be the defendant?

If you’re a betting sort, bet hard that this case never enters a courtroom.  But still, it’s adorable that this little, old intolerant granny felt the need to write up a lawsuit on behalf of God, who must have been too busy to even have his secretary type it up, and actually, formally file it. You can check out the entire, handwritten mess over at Patheos and try to wrap your head around how this case would look if it actually was allowed to proceed. 

Whether you agree with Sylvia (please don’t) or not, you have to admit this would also make a hell of a Grisham-style legal thriller starring Sigourney Weaver as Sylvia, John Goodman as the judge, Morgan freeman reprising his role as God with The Rock as Jesus and surprise cameos by the entire cast of The Breakfast Club as homosexuals.  That’s Oscar bait right there.

Everyone likes to think that McDonalds coffee lawsuit was insane, but at least in that case the lady involved legitimately got burned.  In this case, it seems like Sylvia just has a bug up her butt.  In a straight way.  So is this the craziest lawsuit you’ve ever heard of or is there a crazier one out there?