So apparently kids in a San diego middle school decided to get creative with their cafeteria milk the other day by mixing it with strange ingredients and chugging. 22 hospital visits later and townsfolk were outraged.
In defense of these 22 students, I’d probably try to kill myself with milk too if my neighbors looked like this.
Except her... she can get it.
But honestly, it’s stories like this that have to make you wonder what was going through our heads as kids. As a responsible young adult, the thought of mixing all that shit into milk and trying to chug it is crazy. I try to keep it very safe and simple as far as what I’m ingesting at this point in my life because the body just doesn’t run like it used to. At the age where a college-level night of drinking leads to a 2-day hangover, Vitamin Water XXX is about as far off the deep end as I’m willing to go. But this type of activity was the norm when we were younger. We did ridiculously stupid, potentially dangerous stuff all the time as kids. Personally, I blame the parents.
1. Climbing Trees
Not technically a “game,” but potentially deadly nonetheless. 4 feet tall, sizing up what’s essentially a small building in manhattan. No one really climbs trees once you get to the age of like 12 because you develop that “this is a terrible idea” part of your brain. Think about the object in which we were putting our fates. A tree. With branches. No one’s analyzing branch thickness and wood type to see if it will be a stable climb; our method of security was “that branch is thicker than that branch. Gonna go for it.” At any given moment, one misstep or failed Tarzan impression could have been instant death. I’m shocked there aren’t more stories of broken children in some of the world’s more deciduous areas.
2. The Pass Out Game
This game was for that intermediate level of badass kids in your school. Sandwiched right there between the wholesome group of students playing kickball and the future dropouts huffing Mr. Sketch scented Magic Markers and throwing rocks. Yup, tucked away in a nice shady corner of the playground, we were breathing heavily for 30 seconds, choking ourselves, and experiencing our first high. Studies would come out saying this could be “fatal,” but honestly, when Stevie Greenfield calls you a pussy, it’s time to step up.
3. The Knife Game
So this one kinda carried into our college years and beyond as a popular drinking game, but the fact that we were doing this as kids is crazy. Where did that blindly optimistic confidence even come from? What made us think this was okay? And why would ANYONE ever agree to be on the receiving end? There’s no winning in this game for the person laying their hand on the table- just less losing.
There was a meaty 3-6 month period in all of our childhoods when we realized Axe body spray was kinda douchey. And what better way to recycle a cannister of the stuff than to return it to earth in one of it’s most natural elemental forms: fire. Consider this the official tribute to the good, hardworking knuckle hair we’ve all lost in that moment of spontaneity during a little spring cleaning of our toiletries.
5. Lighting a Fart on Fire
Now, I’ve never dealt with this one directly because I never go full retard, but all I can say to the girl in this video is act like you’ve been there before. Definitely not the way to handle a fire, and frankly, she’s embarrassing herself. Lighting a fart on fire was one of those things you always heard about as a kid but never knew if it was true or not-- kinda like getting a free box of Tootsie Roll Pops if you mailed in a wrapper that had the Native American shooting a star. This is one of those legendary myths that, thanks to this group of girls who are about 3 years away from going to their first rainbow party, has been proven true.
6. Playing With an Ouija Board
This thing I never messed around with. Even typing it into Google gave me the chills and made me immediately delete my search history. Tell me any story you want that has to do with ghosts, robbers, child rapists driving those white vans with no windows- I don’t care. We’ll laugh and eat our s’mores. But I do not play around with the devil. He does his thing, and I do mine. Sometimes we’ll share a beer over a weird search on YouJizz, but for the most part, I try to keep everything on a more wholesome level. Kids loved this game. I still don’t know if my brother was moving the triangle thing or not, but either way, my fucking dead dog talked to me and I lost it.
I don’t know how we’re alive. In a world where immediate death at the hands of a complete stranger lurks around every corner, kudos to our childhood selves for laughing in the face of danger and adding to the odds with self-inflicted terror.
Jake Strasser is a guest blogger for Break.com. His work has previously appeared on Barstoolsports.com. You can hit him up on Twitter @jakestrasser31