Sunday night another incident over legroom occurred in the not so friendly skies. A Southwest Airlines flight out of Los Angeles on its way to San Francisco was forced to turn around and land back in LA shortly after takeoff. One of the animals that we share this planet with couldn’t even make it a half an hour into his flight before he completely broke my THREE RULES for safely flying on an airplane;
- Sit Down.
- Buckle Your Seat Belt
- Shut The Fuck Up.
As we have seen time and time again, this was WAY too much for a passenger to handle. The unidentified man on flight 2010 immediately began choking the woman sitting in front of him when she reclined her seat. The pilot radioed Air Traffic control and said;
“Evidently, we’ve got two passengers who are in a physical altercation, so we need to get turned around back to LAX.”
The plane was greeted by police cars as it arrived back at the gate, and the man was taken into questioning, however was not arrested. After a three hour delay the rest of the passengers including the woman who was attacked made their way onto San Francisco. These nutcases are constantly delaying flights with their meltdowns and knee defenders and violent masturbation. At this point I am thinking we need to implement an airplane lockup cell like they do on a large ship. That way we keep flights on time!
The last time someone got choked out on a flight.
I am always amazed that these people keep it together long enough to purchase a ticket, go through security and then board the plane before they completely lose it. You’re telling me that the guy who just tried to strangle a woman over leg room didn’t haul off and punch the TSA officer when they gave him the friendly crotch pat down?
Here at Break we have seen our share of insane Airline meltdowns. That is why it is time to take a look back at some of this year’s fun ones that will have you thinking that riding the bus isn’t so bad.
A man on a JetBlue flight from Anchorage, Alaska to Portland Oregon decided he couldn’t wait until he got to the gate to take a leak. Instead, about 30 minutes before landing 27-year-old Jeff D. Rubin stood up and began peeing between the crack of the seat onto the passengers sitting in front of him. Depending on if the passengers have a golden shower fetish this certainly brings new meaning to the term “flying the friendly skies.”
For today’s story about a crazy passenger getting a flight diverted for an emergency landing we hop aboard Condor Airlines. That is where on a flight from Las Vegas, Nevada to Frankfurt, Germany a woman decided it would be a good idea to sneak her cat aboard in her purse. Good work TSA! It turns out you can’t have an animal in the cabin without a proper carrier. So shortly after takeoff the flight crew decided to take the animal from her and put it in the bathroom. I guess trying to take a leak on an airplane isn’t a challenge enough, now they added an angry cat hissing at your balls.
As you can imagine the unidentified woman did not take kindly to having her kitty trapped in the bathroom for the rest of the flight. That’s when things took a nose dive, headed straight for crazy town. She allegedly punched a female flight attendant right in the face, and then began making bizarre threats that she was a member of the MAFIA and going to bring the plane down. Another passenger, Dashenka Giraldo told ABC News that,
“She said that she was part of the mafia and that the mafia follows her around the world and that she was able to bring the plane down if that needed to be the case if she couldn’t see her cat.”
A Virgin America flight from Boston to Los Angeles was forced to make an emergency landing in Omaha because a passenger freaked out on drugs wouldn’t stop attempting to open an exit door. Also, he was viciously masturbating. Maybe danger is his fetish? At least the folks over at PassengerShaming.com are going to have a pretty raunchy gallery. I’ll take the people who put their feet in my face during the flight. I don’t want to see what this guy is going to put on my seat!
A drunk man who received free drinks after he told other passengers he was a soldier deploying to Afghanistan, forced a JetBlue plane to make an emergency landing because of his violent behavior. After getting free booze from kind passengers who wanted to send a soldier off right, Orion began getting belligerent, demanding more free drinks! At least it was on JetBlue with the free TVs, and passengers could tune him out; on Southwest this would have been the inflight entertainment.
OK, so sometimes these people don’t make it all the way onto the airplane. Here are some of the best AIRPORT meltdowns too;
Passengers waiting for a flight out of Charlotte, North Carolina Douglas Airport got an eye full of more than just bags of airline nuts on Wednesday; they got a sack of old man nuts. That’s because after a man learned that his US Airways flight to Jamaica was “overbooked” and he would not be able to board he became totally enraged. After yelling at airline employees he eventually stripped naked, standing at his gate for 40 minutes until police arrived and escorted him away.
These days it always seems like they are changing what they allow you to bring on an airplane. One woman going through security at China’s Beijing Capitol International Airport found out the hard way that you cannot bring a bottle of liquid over 100 ml on a domestic flight. Most people would just toss out their energy drink or bottle of sparkling kiwi grapefruit water. Unfortunately for the woman identified by the surname Zhao, she was carrying 700ml bottle of Rémy Martin XO Excellence which retails for about $200. Whoops! She did the only sensible thing and chugged the bottle of Cognac like a god damn boss. She gets a first class ticket to awesomeville in our book. after she chugged the Cognac, she made her way to her gate to board the plane which was headed for Wenzhou, China. However, when the captain of the flight was made aware of her chugging stunt, he refused to allow her on the plane. He was concerned that she was flying alone and her “condition” – of being completely shit faced- annihilated would affect safety on board the aircraft. Although if they had run out of fuel they could have just had the lady breathe into the jet engine.
Follow Phil Haney on Twitter @PhilHaney