6 Completely Insane Thefts

Ian-Fortey by Ian-Fortey on Apr. 08, 2013

Today, German thieves made off with 5 tons of Nutella.  5 tons of Nutella could kill all of Boston in a wave of gluttonous, heart stopping depravity and laziness, so God only knows what these people plan on doing with so much sugar-laden, pseudo-food, but they have it and they’re going to live the dream until they die from it.

In case you’re wondering, 5 tons of Nutella is worth just over $20,000 and it was stolen from the same spot that a truck load of energy drinks were also recently stolen meaning two things – this place has asstastic security and police should be on the lookout for someone whose ears are bleeding from the world’s most insane sugar bender.

Is 5 tons of Nutella the craziest theft ever?  Maybe today’s craziest, but it’s in good company.  Here’s 5 more bizarre ones that take stealing to a whole new level.

5: A Bridge

Thieves in Turkey managed to make off with an entire, real bridge one night.  Not a crappy wooden bridge or a foot bridge; a 22 ton, 82 foot long steel bridge that connected a small town to some orchards over a river.  The  thieves must have used a truck and loaded the dismantled bridge onto it and then probably sold it for about $12,000 in scrap.  Not too bad for a night’s work.

4: A Driveway

There’s probably not a lot of profit in stealing a driveway, but it’s arguably hilarious that this lady came home one day and notice her car was driving a little funny, got out, looked down and saw that someone had taken her driveway.  Her neighbor even saw two guys loading up slabs of concrete into a truck but didn’t call police because, like the rest of the universe, he never guessed anyone would steal a driveway and figured they were just workers fixing it up.

3: Ashes

It takes a certain kind of thief to get into your house, distract you while accomplices find your safe, tear it up from where it’s bolted to the floor and steal it along with not just your important documents, cash and a valuable coin collection, but an urn filled with the ashes of your dead wife.  You’d have to assume the thieves had done some homework to know the man had a safe but you’re coming in on the super low class end of the thievery scale if you take the whole thing including his wife.

2: A Church

Stealing an entire bridge is impressive, but stealing a church takes all kinds of balls.  In the Russian village of Komarovo there had been a Church standing since 1809.  Unfortunately it was not in use and had been mostly neglected thought he structure was in good condition.  But Russian thieves live by the “you snooze you lose motto” and, since no one was using the church, they helped themselves to the entire building brick by brick.  When it was discovered, only the foundation and some wall sections remained of what was once a two storey building. 

1: A Ton of Panties

You know that saying about everything being bigger in Texas? Yeah, so these people stole $3,400 worth of panties from a Texas Victoria’s Secret while the story was open, in a mall, in the middle of the day.  Apparently Victoria’s secret is that her employees have piss poor vision so while someone at the front of the story was opening drawers in displays and filling bags with literally hundreds of pairs of panties, the employees were all in the back, probably trying to hide from creepy dudes who wander through and finger the bras.