Here are five strange ways people have died while doing weird things while driving. Don’t be one of them!
1. Driving While Watching Porn
This past weekend a man in Detroit crashed his car and died while watching a porn movie on his smart phone. What was he watching, Drilling Miss Daisy?
Jones only had one hand on the wheel when he crashed here.
On Sunday around 3:30AM 58-year-old Clifford Ray Jones crashed his 1996 Toyota on the ramp to the I-75 in Michigan. When state police responded to the wreck they discovered something bizarre. In fact Lt. Mike Shaw said it was the strangest thing he had ever seen.
This is one way he might have been looking at the porn.
Jones was ejected through the sunroof of the car when it rolled over in the crash, throwing him from the vehicle. It appears that his body wasn’t the only thing being ejected as he wasn’t wearing pants. Lt. Shaw told local reporters; “We see people putting on makeup, we see people doing different things as far as hygiene, as far as reading books, it’s almost to the fact there’s so much technology out there a lot of people are more paying attention to what they’re doing other than driving their cars.”
And in the case of this driver, not only was he driving while going full “Winnie The Pooh”- but apparently he was “distracted” by the porn movie on his phone. That is why we here at Break would like to remind you not to become a statistic. Remember: don’t jerk and drive. There is no pornography so important that it can’t wait. Plus you don’t want to be the guy the police find on the side of the road with no pants on, and a weird diaper fetish video still streaming on your phone.
Here is a sobering statistic: If you text or masturbate while driving you are twenty three more times likely to get into an automobile accident. You may be hiding your habit from your friends and family, but they would probably rather have you home taking up the bathroom.
2. Driving While Boning
Minesh Parbat was behind the wheel.
Unlike that poor guy from Detroit, some folks have a partner to do the nasty with while behind the wheel. In March of 2014 a couple in England decided that driving at 70 miles per hour was a great time to get busy. And by get busy, I’m not talking about keeping busy with an eye on the road and looking for pedestrians. While 36-year-old Minesh Parbat was driving through Crawley, West, his girlfriend Lisa Watling began having sex with him- straddling him and obscuring his view of the road. Sadly he was unable to keep a grip on the wheel and the car crashed, leaving Watling dead. She was found wearing only a T-shirt, no pants and his pants and underwear were around his ankles. The court held him responsible for her death and he was sent to jail for seven years.
3. Driving While Hoarding
If you are a fan of the TV show Hoarders: Buried Alive you are familiar with the ways in which many of our fellow humans stuff trash into their homes. Note to the woman on that show who declared “I guess I’m not the best housekeeper!” while men in protective hazmat suits literally shoveled piles of cat feces out of her living room: you are correct. They should do an entire spinoff show dedicated to people who hoard in their cars. While it is curious to see a “hoarder car” parked in the Wal-Mart parking lot, these mobile death traps can cause serious accidents. Take the case of Ann Biglan of Yarmouth Massachusetts whose Ford Focus was filled to the brim with trash and garbage, but for a small space carved out for her to sit in the driver seat. In 2007 she lost control of her car while backing out of a parking spot at the post office when old coffee cups and pieces of trash fell onto the gas and brake pedals.
4. Driving While Eating
This is the result of eating cookies while driving.
If you are like me you love to swing by the drive thru to pick up some burgers, yet by the time you get home all of the french-fries have already been eaten. While scarfing some fries at a red light might not seem like a big deal, according to one study at least 80 percent of accidents are causes by eating and driving. Weirdly enough investigators often discover that a crash was caused by chowing down on a sloppy Big Mac when they find out that the “blood” all over the windshield is really ketchup. Which if you’re going to go, at least this has a bit of comic irony to it. Just this past week a man in Sacramento, California was plowing through a sleeve of cookies when he began to choke on one of them causing him to plow through a hotel. Luckily this time the cookie monster was OK and nobody died. No word on what type of cookie he was eating at the time of the accident.
5. Driving While Applying Cosmetics
According to the insurance companies nearly half of women drivers apply makeup while driving, causing an estimated 450,000 accidents a year. This seems a lot less scandalous than the above examples, but ladies using cosmetics in traffic is a serious problem. While applying eyeliner you might actually pierce your eye. In 2009, a woman in Illinois was polishing her nails while driving. Not seeing the motorcyclist in front of her, Lora Hunt struck and killed Anita Zaffke. So remember: when an airbag hits your eyeliner – it’s never a pretty sight!
Follow Phil Haney on Twitter @PhilHaney