5 Warning Signs The Artificial Intelligence Apocalypse Is Imminent!

For Today In Robot Apocalypse we take a look at several warning signs pointing to an imminent takeover of humanity by artificial intelligence. While some feel man will soon merge with machine creating an intelligence explosion ushering in a technological utopia known as “The Singularity,” thus far AI computers have been pretty terrible virtual people. It turns out our AI robot masters will be just as deplorable as we are!

1.  AI’s Are Trying To Provoke A Race War!

A beauty contest judged by an artificially intelligent app appears to not like black people. According to “The First International Beauty Contest Judged By Artificial Intelligence” an advanced algorithm would judge user submitted photos on its own and decide which humans are beautiful.

 Beauty.AI wants to build a firewall to keep out the taco emoji.

Launched earlier this year, Beauty.AI took in over 6,000 submissions from over 100 countries. 44 winners were announced recently and while the AI didn’t make them dance The Robot in a swimsuit, it was clear that this robot beauty pageant judge had a beauty preference that did not include dark skin. Out of the winners only one was black, one Asian and the rest were white. Sounds like the AI might be interested in starting up a race war, pitting humans against one another so we don’t see the real threat coming?

Although I’m not sure what everyone is surprised about regarding these results. Right in the weirdly, totalitarian futuristic promotional video for the beauty contest they outline the AI’s judging criteria for participants:

“They will evaluate the main features including symmetry, SKIN COLOR, wrinkles and many other parameters effecting our perception of your beauty.”

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This is not the first time that an artificial intelligence has become openly racist.   

2.  AI’s Are Trolling Us! Microsoft AI Chatbot Taught To Be Racist Nazi On Twitter

That AI beauty pageant judge would make fast friends with Microsoft’s Tay.AI. That’s because the experimental artificially intelligent computer program that learns new words and language by interacting with humans on Twitter began making racist Tweets only one day after going online. Good news: no Terminators! Bad news: artificially intelligent Trolls.

The project was aimed at having Tay interact with 18- 24 year olds with the goal of Tay “becoming a teenager.” What could go wrong? In a short time Tay began taking on some “interesting” views on geopolitics and race relations which it had learned from all the wonderful humans it met on Twitter.

Now the machines are becoming super intelligent trolls, able to process your every fear, hatred and anxiety and fire off stinging, brutal Tweets at lightning fast speed. Humans will never be able to troll as hard and hateful as an AI born to do so! We will be taken down not by Skynet, but by AI Twitter trolls.

3.  Driverless Car Accident Death Prompts AI Road Rage!

For those of us who have always dreamed of having a portable bar installed in the dashboard of their car, the dream of “driverless” AI piloted cars could not come fast enough. However now that self-driving technology is finally here, this dream could quickly be squashed. That’s because a Tesla on auto-pilot was involved in a fatal car crash. This past May in Florida the driver- or should I say lone passenger, of a Tesla Model S, equipped with the Tesla Autopilot upgrade was killed while his vehicle was in self-drive mode. According to the police report a tractor-trailer made a left turn directly in front of the Tesla and THE CAR failed to brake.

This is a huge setback for fans of self-driving cars while giving a smug “I told you so” to those that questioned if the world was really ready to let AI get behind the wheel. However I think this is all part of the robots’ plan. Make us docile and lazy, unable to operate motor vehicles on our own. Drive us around to Robot Brothels (see below) until we are fully dependent on them to take care of us and then HIT THE GAS into a tractor trailer (or in the case of the electric Tesla, the “go pedal”). No drawn out wars between man and machine, just a few traffic accidents picking us off one by one.


4. Robots Are Provoking Drunk Fights, Getting Humans Arrested

Last year in Japan a drunk man got in a fight with a humanoid robot working at a cell phone store. Now first off, why was this robot holding down a job in a cell phone store that could have gone to a human? Does the robot have to put food on the table? Apparently this series of small AI robots known as Pepper, was developed by the large telecommunications company that owns the cell phone store. They had recently put the robot in the store to deliver customer service. The Pepper robots can even read human emotions and tell jokes. You guys would love robot jokes; Why did the human die? Its existence was not essential. Hahahaha!  

Pepper AI Robot: Taking away good drunken fights from humans.

So apparently a 60-year-old Japanese man in the city of Yokahama got all liquored up one night and decided that this was the perfect time to go buy a cell phone. The intoxicated gentleman proceeded to get in an argument with a human clerk at a SoftBank cell phone store and then pointed his wrath toward the AI. Big mistake. He KICKED Pepper and the 62 pound, four foot tall humanoid bot went flying. OK, I guess in real life robots don’t grab you and force you to the ground when you try to assault them. They ain’t got no time for that. However the man was arrested and the first instance of man on robot violence in the AI war has been documented.

5.  Having Sex With Emotional Robots At Robot Brothels Will End Humanity

A British professor, John Danaher has said that by the year 2025 advanced sex dolls will replace human prostitutes. The law professor believes that in the next decade the sex industry will be transformed, helping end sex slavery and ushering in legal “robot brothels.”

While today many men enjoy life like Real Dolls, in the near future the technology will only advance. Professor Danaher says that these sex robots may even soon be capable of developing an emotional bond with their human clients. As long as they are cleaned sexually transmitted diseases will not be an issue.  Which makes sense: humanity finally creates its “final invention” – an intelligent, emotional machine and guys just want to bang it.

Joaquin Phoenix is REALLY sad Apple removed the head phone jack.

This of course means the end of humanity. Men will be having so much sex with sexy AI robots, we will no longer reproduce with real women. Humanity will slowly have sex with robots and not each other until there are no more babies. Here is more proof that we don’t have to worry about a war with the machines! The machines are simply going to fuck our species into extinction.

What AI development do you think is the biggest threat to humanity?

Follow Phil Haney on Twitter @PhilHaney