5 Super Bowl Ads You Should Be More Outraged About!

PhilHaney by PhilHaney on Feb. 03, 2014
There was a huge controversy during the Super Bowl this year and it wasn’t even because Flea exposed both of his man nipples during the halftime show.  Coca-Cola’s 2014 Super Bowl commercial, was to the untrained eye a pretty tame, generic Coke ad featuring varying shots of multiethnic people “having fun” and “living life to its fullest” all while the patriotic song America The Beautiful was sung in several different foreign languages. And that seems to have gotten everyone’s nachos bubbling….

Did this piss you off? I don’t get it. Maybe folks were upset because the people in the ad were having so much fun while they were sitting on their collective asses stuffing themselves with cheese while watching a boring game? The response on social media however was more ‘Merica The Beautiful as Tweets poured in outraged that the song would be sung in anything but English.



Some people even confused the song with the national anthem which is the Star Spangled Banner, not America The Beautiful:

It seems like stupid outrage to me, this is what everyone got upset about? (Are YOU upset about it? If so please explain it to the rest of us!) I actually found some of the other Super Bowl 2014 commercials a lot more outrageous! Here are five that you should be more outraged about!

M&M Man Murder… Possible Mass Genocide

Was anyone else totally creeped out by the fact that a “family” brand like M&M’s endorsed kidnapping, murder and ethnic cleansing? Their Super Bowl spot starts out with a presumed mafia don in the middle of an Eyes Wide Shut type party as his henchmen beckon him to come outside for a “special delivery.” Once at the car they reveal they have kidnapped an adorable M&M man and have him held hostage in the trunk. He then describes how he is going to chop him up and sprinkle him over his ice cream.. so cute right because after all he’s just an M&M man! This living, breathing, talking creature who has a soul, thoughts and feelings of his own is just an M&M, he’s not even human. Let’s chop him up and eat him! That line of thinking sounds familiar doesn’t it?! He has goals, dreams, a family, a little peanut M&M on the way.. but no we don’t consider his kind worthy, so feel free to bag them all up and chop them into bits! I noticed that the M&M was yellow.. is it just the yellow and brown M&M’s that we can treat this way? We don’t see too many white M&M’s do we? Also the mafia guy spoke in a foreign language! They could have at least shown some English speaking American gangsters!? Unpatriotic!

Chevy Cattle Orgy and Implied Bestiality

Like most real Americans I am constantly concerned with how I am going to transport my cattle via pickup truck. That’s why I was excited to see how awesome Chevy trucks can move cattle in this commercial as a rancher loads a happy looking bull for road trip. However this feeling turned to outrage once the song “You Sexy Thing” kicked in and I was terrified of the implied bestiality between rancher and his “sexy thing.”  

Luckily he was only driving the bull to a giant wholesome… cow orgy! No doubt the bull was there to partake in rampant, underage, unprotected sex with a variety of mates. Disgusting, you should all be outraged at the message this is sending our young people!   

Volkswagen German Engineer Angels and Small Dick Jokes

A lot of people watch the Super Bowl like it’s a religious experience but Volkswagen took it to an outrageous level in their commercial by implying that the people who make Volkswagens are angels. A father driving with his daughter teaches her that “Every time a Volkswagen hits one hundred thousand miles a German engineers gets his wings.” We then see a bunch of lab coat wearing German guys in a car factory sprouting wings.. are they saying that German engineers are the master angels? To top off this offense they use angels for a small penis joke; two of God’s heavenly creatures at urinals; one with a bigger set of wings than the other, wink, wink. And why were their no female engineer- angels? Is it because only people who have a penis can get wings? Outrageous! To top it off there is a reference to a rainbow coming out of the engineers butt when the Volkswagen hits two hundred thousand miles!  No female angles and rainbow butts… Hmm. What could they be saying there? Outrage!

Scarlett Johansson Soda Stream Commercial is Unbanned! WTF!

After all the hype surrounding the “banned” Scarlet Johansson commercial, I almost fell out of my chair as I saw Johansson hawking Soda Stream during the Super Bowl. I thought this commercial was BANNED. How am I supposed to get excited about making my own carbonated beverages at home if the they promote falsehoods about banning commercials on the Super Bowl!  I’m not sure what’s more outrageous: the fact that Soda Stream caved to pressure and censored the commercial for the Super Bowl airing so it did not mention Coke and Pepsi, or the fact that the spot was so lame to begin with.

Kia Matrix Commercial

I am outraged with this commercial because Kia took a huge post half time dump right on my childhood. You know the dump; you’ve been drinking beer and eating chili bean nacho dip for the past four hours, and boom, it’s go time. Morpheus from the Matrix used to be a freedom fighter, offering a blue or red pill to The One in a decision that will liberate humanity. Now we discover that Morpheus is less about kicking ass and more about selling luxury cars. This ad felt like someone accidentally made a commercial written as an example of what not to do in 1999. If these are the types of lame commercials that are going to air during the Super Bowl, I’d rather stay inside the Matrix.

Which Super Bowl commercials did you find the most outrageous and/ or offensive?

For more outrage follow Phil Haney on Twitter @PhilHaney.