5 Real Life Craigslist Roommate Nightmares!

harmonleon by harmonleon on Jul. 07, 2014
Ready to stop sleeping? The thought of finding a roommate on Craigslist scares the holy beejeebies out of me. The red flags are usually right smack in the Craigslist ads. Imagine sharing your uttermost intimate space with a random stranger. The soaring rent costs in San Francisco makes us slaves to these people.

She didn't even have to use Craigslist!

How can you predict what lies ahead with your potential future roommate – simply read between the lines of the Craigslist ad. So let's visit some more Craigslist Roommate Nightmares: watch out, there's red flag trouble ahead!

1. AD READS:

I have a home w/ an empty bedroom and bath and the house needs a womanly touch. I am looking for an easy going, happy, positive, fit and sexy female who wants or needs a place to live or stay with free room and board in exchange for light cleaning and cooking and possibly more. Only open minded need to apply. Chinese or Asian is a plus. I am late 60's and I am very active and generous. I will make the right woman very happy and comfortable as long as you do the same with no tension, stress or drama involved. (long or short term) Must be neat and clean and drug free. Reply with photos and some info and your situation and I will reply quickly with the same and we can discuss. RED FLAG: “Possibly occasionally sex” actually means “frequent sex and angry screaming when not performed on demand.” Expect to have your all your waking moments broadcast on the Internet on the site: Asiansexslave.com

2. AD READS:

looking for trustworthy 420 friendly female
NO drugs at fucking all !!!!!

I am hardworking dude and live with 2 other hardworking dudes. we all keep to our selves unless there is some friends over drinking. No cops no drama no bullshit please.
prefer female who doesnt mind helping me keep the kitchen and house clean from general laziness in the house.

Roommates have girlfriends. so nothing sexual is asked and should not be offered at all !!!!!!! (just pay your rent or get thrown out)

this a serious offer for a responsible person who does not steal and is laid back and cool. No cigarette smoking in house.. If spare change comes up missing I will have you arrested. I dont put up with thieves!!

3 room mates who keep to themselves are one Fireman. one Retail Management and myself (owns the home Teacher/Director)..

rent is $75 a week unless you help with chores then rent can be lowered.
Small private room with television. Direct TV in living room which you have access to as well. phone and internet also available.

THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED. ( CAMERAS IN HOUSE)
DRUG USERS WILL BE PROSECUTED ( YOU ARE NOT SMARTER THAN ME SO DONT TRY TO HIDE IT)
420 friendly

RED FLAG: After the first week, your new “hardworking dude” roommate will accuse you of thieving. (Remember: you are not as smart as him so don’t try and hide it!) No cops (there will be cops involved), no drama (expect plenty of drama), no bullshit (yes, there will be bullshit). Chores will include helping bury the bodies out in the desert. Welcome to your new life inside a Sam Shepard play.

3. AD READS:

I'm a very nice, slender thin guy of 39, as I work for a franchised modeling firm 12yrs now as a model. I own this house fully, ample parking. Your age does not matter No deposit, no lease. No one else lives here but I could use phone helper schedules for my print works, I do to locations. Maybe have you travel w/me. I pay very well since I have all bills paid w/ease. You need to be very open thinking, a naturist by lifestyle as I simply don't wear 'anything so you should decide first before contact. This place has a very large back yard pool. No neighbors. Your own large furnished rm/bath and pay if you need income. If you can use a steady secured job, plus a long stay place, contact. No guest allowed over. Too private here plus situation.

RED FLAG: “Open thinking” has a direct correlation to the term “glory hole.” No guests allowed over means a lot of one-on-one time with this thin naked guy – leaving you with nothing to do but stare at his junk day and night. 

4. AD READS:

Konichiwa bitches. Are you looking for the most kick-ass fucking roommate that ever lived? If so, look no further. You fucking found him. I'm a 26-year-old professional finance guru with experience at bad-ass companies in New York Fucking City. That's right! What you know about experience? I graduated from Ohio State, and moved to
Phoenix at the ripe, tender age of 24. After deciding that Phoenix was a stinky shit-hole, I have decided to move to New York City. Why? So I can make millions of dollars and not have to post shit like this on Craigslist.
Anyway, so I landed this job with my company in NYC, and I have no fucking clue where to live. Honestly, I'm moving there in 1 week, so I don't give a shit if I have to sleep in your bathtub.
A bit about me: I'm respectful, quiet, clean and I won't bother any of your shit. If you leave shit out, I'm just like, "Oh fuck I better not mess with this shit, because it's not mine." I turn off lights. I clean toilets. Fuck it. I'll even cook for you. That's right! My dad is a chef and taught me everything there is to know about cooking southern cajun cuisine. I'll fry green tomatoes, cover them with marinated crab meat and smother that shit in bearnaise. EVERY. GODDAMN. NIGHT. Don't eat meat? That's fucking FANTASTIC! I'll make a zucchini and yellow squash carpaccio that will knock your fucking socks off.

RED FLAG: Expect lots of high-fiving and overuse of the world “bromance.” With in days your new roommate will show you a sex tape he made with his ex-girlfriend (who has a restraining order out on him).

5. AD READS:

Free room and board for female only. Must love playing w dogs and be a competent cleaner, not looking to train someone!
Light housekeeping once a day plus one full clean up a week.
Im a 40 something divorced guy w no kids who works 2 jobs. Looking for a cool girl who loves dogs, good food and maybe a little ocd about living in a clean house!
Private room furnished w cable. shared bath, big back yard bbqs, friendly dogs welcome. NOTHING SEXUAL. I work in the restaurant business so work crazy hours. Amazing opportunity for the right person, bookkeeping skills could mean paid work if interested. Givers versus takers only please.
Must email or text pic, interviewing this week.

  • do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

RED FLAG: Welcome to the world of prostitution!

Follow Harmon Leon on Twitter @HarmonLeon

5 comments
Andulamb
Andulamb User

In #1, nothing is said about sex, yet you seem to think it says “Possibly occasionally sex”.


In #2, you miss an obvious oddity: the guy makes it clear that drug use won't be tolerated, but then ends by saying "420 friendly".

Drew-Scott-973
Drew-Scott-973 User

@Andulamb In the states weed is not "really" considered a drug I guess?  More like a heavy cigarette LOL