5 Most Bad Ass Dog Breeds

Everyone likes dogs, except a large portion of society who prefer cats or no animals at all.  No one prefers fish because that would be idiotic.  Fish are barely event things.  That said, while most of us are aware of the usual kinds of dogs in the world – your beagles and pugs and wolves – there are a few crazy ass rare breeds out there that deserve some attention for their awesomeness.  So here it comes!

Maned Wolf

The maned wolf looks like what happens when a German Shepherd humps a deer.  In a perfect world that sentence would be all I need to say about this animal because the poetry evoked by that image is more than my words could ever do.  But this world isn’t perfect so I need to flesh things out more and explain why this dog is awesome – it’s the legs.  Look at them!  Word is the maned wolf has those legs as an adaptation to the tall grasses of the savannah where it lived but who cares?  It can reach stuff on high shelves.  Awesome.

New Guinea Singing Dog

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You might think, if you watched that clip, that this dog can’t sing for crap.  To that I say “look at the Billboard Top 40.”  It doesn’t even matter in what year you’re reading this, 80% (at least) of the Billboard Top 40 is crap that sounds worse than this dog, so who can’t sing now? 

Raccoon Dog

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This is the best dog I have ever seen and had no idea it was a dog until just recently.  If you played Super Mario 3 back in the day, you’re familiar with Tanuki Mario – this is a Tanuki!  It’s a dog!  I don’t get why it looks like an obese raccoon and I don’t care.  Sometimes nature rolls the dice and comes up with a winner we can all get behind. 

Bush Dog

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Bush Dogs are South American sausage beasts that look like what happens when a ferret and a bear have some sex and the baby decides to keep existing in defiance of logic.  So that ain’t bad.  It’s worth noting that they eat capybaras and appear to be smaller than capybaras, so if you were to see one in the midst of the hunt it’d look a lot like a big fat, ferret trying to kill a big, fat hamster.

Telomian

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This dog may not look like much, but it can climb trees.  If your dog can climb, it is no longer hindered by man’s only method of control – the fence.  This dog breed will basically take over the world once they get organized.