School is the bane of your existence from around Grade 2 when you start to realize this gig is permanent to sometime around your final year in a PhD course if you make it that far. It’s the man keeping you down with your parent’s permission plus detentions, homework, bullies and, eventually, a massive debt. The final insult is they make you go for so long you get hooked then have to start paying. School is like heroin for your intellect.
And yet, when you’re all done, and you’re working for a living, and you’ll never, ever be in a classroom again, you can look back and realize what you’re missing out on.
Good lord, an authorized break in the day when you can just sit or run in circles if you so choose. That’s amazing.
- The Cafeteria
Some of that sloppy food is better than what you can make for yourself at home, even if it’s 50% sodium and cholesterol
- Hot teachers
There’s something about being taught by someone you see every day who is also insanely hot that’s hard to get over
- Witnessing Social Segregation
The jocks, the mean girls, the Goths, the emo kids, the scene kids, the bronies. This is where it starts. This is where people start trying to form identities and you can see it, like watching pack animals in the wild
- Tee Ball
If they hadn’t invented this for children, they would have for drunks
Sure they were awkward at the time but later you can look back and be wistful for all the unintentional comedy or all the ways you probably could have hooked up but screwed up
You may have been a good kid who never did anything wrong underaged, but you didn’t have to be.
The older you get, the less likely your friends are to have these and the creepier you are to call them this
They’re not for everyone but they are a group of people your age who have an entire house to themselves all year long.
- Spring Break
If you do this when you’re 30, they send you to jail
It literally means nothing when you have a job. Nothing!
Sports and clubs and a never ending stream of opportunities to meet an hang out with people who like all the stuff you do
Sounds stupid, but later it gets kind of exciting just to come across new and interesting stuff. You get to do this all the time at school, you just never appreciate it
- Reality Detachment
Have you seen movies about highschool? They’re nothing like highschool, it’s stunning. This is the only time in your life when your world will be portrayed so wrongly so often
- The Cutting Edge
Clothes, music, video games, crazy Russian narcotics, whatever is new and awesome, this is the time and place you’ll learn about it as it becomes a thing. Later you’ll just fall behind and never care again
- Peer Pressure
At least people liked you enough to want you to break the law. Once you have a job they just want you to work late.
Didn’t get your work done at school? Well that’s a detention and maybe a lecture. Don’t get your work done at NASA and space explodes.
- Co-ed Dorms
Here, teenager who no longer has parents anywhere nearby, live in this building with members of the opposite sex who likewise have no parental influence.
The only time someone will look at you and say “yeah, you’re pretty awesome” and just throw money at you for it so you can keep being awesome at whatever you’re awesome at.
- Group Work
Yes, everyone hates group work but, looking back, it’s great in that it prepares you for how much more you’re going to hate it at a job
- Bagged Lunch
There’s a good chance your mom used to pack lunch for you at school. At the office there’s a good chance, even if you do bring a lunch, some intern is going to eat half of it before you get to it.
The world caters to your demographic. Fast food companies, clothing designers and Hollywood know that as a child, you will force your parents to spend money on shit you want. You are more important at this age than anyone over 35 will ever be.
- Social Interaction
School lets you spend each and every day surrounded by people in your age group, making friends and being human. Cubicle work will murder this.
Telling off a teacher is so much more satisfying and less financially damaging than doing it to your boss
Chances are your first kiss, first party, first drink, first girlfriend/boyfriend, first big trip to somewhere new, first time having sex, first everything will happen during your school career. Everything starts here. Here’s hoping your “real life” at work is anywhere near as exciting.