20 Life Lessons From Chalkboard Gags On ‘The Simpsons’

For the past 26 seasons The Simpsons have proven why they are one of the biggest TV shows of all time and generations of Americans have come to enjoy them. It is the longest running primetime scripted television show ever, with 562 episodes and counting. They even manage to cram in some the life lessons featured in opening sequences for the show’s iconic “chalkboard gag.” While in recent years they haven’t done it as often, originally Bart’s chalkboard writing punishment would change  almost every week starting, with the second episode of the show. While we aren’t sure we are proud to say it, here are some things we have learned from Bart Simpson over the years.

1. Do Not Be Wasteful Of Irony   


2. Learn To Keep Your Mouth Shut If You Know What’s Good For You


3. Be A Rebel When No One Is Looking


4. Always Say “Spoiler Alert” Before You Ruin The Ending Of A Show For Someone


5. Keep The Explosions To A Minimum Or  In Your Pants


6. Sometimes The Teacher Is Wrong


7. We Would All Sign Up For Butt.Butt As An Email Address


8. Never Brag About Something You Should Be Ashamed Of Anyway


9. “Baby” Is The Only Person Who Has “Got Back”


10. Satan Probably Has His Own ‘Pledge Of Allegiance’ That Ends In Sacrifice


11. Wedgies Are More A Way Of Life


12. Don’t Become A “Hoarding” Tree; Those Are Just Gross


13. Candy Canes Can’t Be Used As Actual Canes


14. Radio Stations Lie To You


15. Never Use A Cigar Like That


16. Never Ask A Lady If She Is Preggers; Not Even Once


17. Get Weaker People To Do Your Work

18. You Get Double The Presents If Your Birthday Is On Christmas


19. Sexually Transmitted Diseases Are No Joke


20. Never Learn Anything From Things Written In A List



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