21 Creepy Christmas Album Covers

Some of the prettiest music you’ll hear all year happens at Christmas. It’s such a joyous celebration of love and giving that it calls for music that can make you feel more warm and fuzzy inside than an edible space heater. 

The songs may have been joyous, but some of the album covers were downright hideous. Some of these holiday album covers from back in the heyday of vinyl didn’t invite you to a winter wonderland. They looked like they were welcoming you into some kind of snowy hell where the Christmas trees are constantly on fire and Santa delivers coal to everyone in a most uncomfortable way. Here are some of the creepiest we could find. 

Any human who is carrying a large piece of meat with this kind of smile on their face is planning on doing something to you with it that would instantly earn them a spot on the “naughty” list and we’re not talking about using it to increase your cholesterol. 

Kenny and Corky don’t just sing Christmas carols. They can also summon Satan’s most trusted demons by sacrificing small rodents and singing “O Holy Night” backwards. 

John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John were rather fastidious with this album. Usually you have to play their cringe worthy music to get people to leave your holiday party but now you can just do it with their creepy album cover. 

We’re sure that Bob Dylan meant well when he decided to give his fans a holiday album but why did he hire Vincent Price to appear on the cover? 

We can’t imagine Santa Claus carrying an assault rifle and even if he did, we’re sure he’d adopt better gun safety standards than this impostor. 

We assume the reason they didn’t call it “Merry Christmas from the Creepy Family from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre” movies is because their agent was concerned it would affect the sales. 

If that dog could talk, we’re sure it would say, “Please! Release me from this freak’s evil clutches! He has a nuclear weapon and he’s not afraid to use it!” 

Sure, Dad bought the entire family weapons because he believes that the UN will one day send troops to his home to confiscate his children as part of a secret World Health Organization eugenics plot, but it’s the thought that counts.

We’re not exactly sure what the title translates to but if we had to guess, we’d believe it means, “He’s Hiding Something In His Basement and It’s Not Presents.” 

This may or may not be a traditional “Christmas album,” even though it has the world “Christmas” in the title. That’s because we’re too scared to play it. If you saw a woman who appeared to be giving birth to a octopus with a baseball mitt for a head, you wouldn’t rush right over and say “Hello,” would you? 

Seeing Phil Spector in a Santa suit in any context is just too creepy.

This “first Christmas record for children” is perfect for the family that needs to convince their children that the reason Santa didn’t bring them presents is because he had to spend a month in the hospital due to a life-threatening case of Angioedema. 

That’s not a statue of Santa. She’s encased his body in wax and poked two eyeholes so he can see the hell he’s living in until his final breath. 

Just imagine him saying, “So are Mommy and Daddy sleeping and where do they keep their heavy duty power tools?” 

Tiny Tim was the man, but his giant face on a Christmas album; not so much.

Garth Brooks: overrated country singer or evil warlock? You decide. 

I’m imagining the one with the glasses has a gun in the back of the two people standing next to him. 

 

This scene looks like the start of some bizarre, festive S&M session that involves a safeword like “yule log.” 

We assume that the title “Christmas in Texas” had already been copyrighted. 

We just know he’s going to appear in a dream where we’re his Christmas dinner. 

This is either a very bad Santa or a festive serial killer who wears the eyebrows and facial hair of his victims. 

Follow Danny Gallagher on Twitter @thisisdannyg