20 Xmas Photos That Tried For Cute and Failed

Seanbaby by Seanbaby on Dec. 24, 2013

When it's time for the family to get together for your Christmas card photos, you might be tempted to try something fun, silly, or -God help us all- adorable. Resist that temptation. That's just the holiday spirit trying to humiliate you.  The results have long been chronicled by our friends over at AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com.  Here's some of the most egregious.

 

 

 

This was, no bullshit, the official Christmas card from the mayor of San Juan two years ago. I'm not sure what it says about a man when a throat-ripping corpse is his idea of holiday cheer, but it's a safe bet you bite into one of his political opponents everytime you order chicken nuggets in San Juan.

 

 

 

 

Couples, this type of picture is the perfect way to tell your friends and family that you made a baby this year and you're also retiring your genitals from active duty.

 

 

 

 

If evolution was real, why would any single one of these species allow this? Checkmate, science.

 

 

 

 

 

Years from now, a terrified girl in a water tank will ask her four nude captors why they are doing this. They will each hold up this picture.

 

 

 

 

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but after "recently penetrated teddy bears," I have no idea what this picture's other 996 words might be.

 

 

 

 

Normally a family has to be dismembered to look this creepy in a box.

 

 

 

 

This is more than just a thoughtful holiday message. It's also how you draw "schizophrenia" in Pictionary.

 

 

 

 

"There are no laws at the North Pole, young one!"

 

 

 

 

 

It's sometimes hard to tell if someone is dislodging his dentures for a wacky picture or if he's screaming from within the flesh prison of Mictlantecuhtli.

 

 

 

 

This is exactly what it will look like when the merry are hunted for sport.

 

 

 

 

 

If erections had their own newspaper, the headline over this photo would read "THOUSANDS KILLED IN GRISLY MURDER."

 

 

 

 

 

No good decision has ever been made across a hot tub from a grinning family. For instance, this photographer's decision to snap a picture.

 

 

 

 

 

This is a completely normal Christmas photo. Only you can see him.

 

 

 

 

"Nude family photos in santa hats? If you're just going to make things up, I'll thank you to get the fuck out of my laser office."
 - This family's therapist, 2022

 

 

 

 

In Hell, all jokes will be this joke.

 

 

 

 

Psst! Little boy! Santa has been dead for hours.

 

 

 

 

As she made it, the sweatshop worker knew no good could come of a size extra, extra small speedo, but she could never have imagined it would lead to anything like this.

 

 

 

 

"Our Cardinals may just go all the way this season!"
"I'm a Cubs man, myself!"
"SPORTS AS WELL FOR ME BECAUSE I AM A REAL HUMAN LIKE YOU OTHERS! SKREEEE!!!"

 

 

 

 

 

When what to my wondering eyes was perceived?
But a man in a chair and a human centipede.
With their mouths to their butts and their colons to their coughs,
I knew in a moment their chromosomes must be off.

 

 

 

 

"Our toys come to life at night!"
"Yes. And then we kill them and assume their identities."

 

Seanbaby invented being funny on the Internet. Follow him on Twitter or visit him at Seanbaby.com.

 

 

 

41 comments
RichardBirdsall
RichardBirdsall User

i found myself laughing at the captions and thinking "Seanbaby" is going to get a run for his money when I scrolled up and saw who wrote them. Anyone with a sense of humor will laugh until it hurts! Dredaze can suck it

Thornerg
Thornerg User

For Christ's sake... If it's got holly, Santa, and pretty wrapping paper, it's Merry Christmas! Not bloody Happy Holidays!! Stop lumping all the festivals together. 

Da Joka Onabanjo
Da Joka Onabanjo

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Vicki Thomason
Vicki Thomason

Haha! I never let my kids sit on "Santa's" lap. I always thought it was odd for a grown man to choose that as a job. :/

Jacob C. Gang
Jacob C. Gang

Same can be said about your comments under the pics, BREAK

Jeri Martin
Jeri Martin

Just... just... wtf is that? Fail indeed! haha!

Sam Hashmi
Sam Hashmi

coconuts doing the job otherwise same like husband :p

Tony Young
Tony Young

Thanks for liking. Any fellow nudists out there, feel free to do the same.

Tony Young
Tony Young

For God's sakes. These prudes need to get over nudity.

Gilles-Veber-985
Gilles-Veber-985 User

Seanbaby is my favorite writer, but he's becoming lazy.

DreDaze
DreDaze User

not sure what's worse...the pics...or the captions...

Josh Robinson
Josh Robinson

Plain white people should avoid trying to be clever and/or funny.... it's just tragic folks.

Marcia-Martinez-929
Marcia-Martinez-929 User

About the first picture: he lost the elections the year after :D

Chris Ahrens
Chris Ahrens

Or: Guy Tries for Funny Captions and Fails

Marty Zonkoski
Marty Zonkoski

Please tell me the little girl in the bathtub one is not holding a video camera.......

Reanna Mesa
Reanna Mesa

uhm the wife looks like a Manahan doll

Tim Goble
Tim Goble

Kirby Preece Edgar Pack Jr lol

Jd Blosser
Jd Blosser

Wow some of those are terrifying