12 Lies We've All Been Told

Mark-Potts by Mark-Potts on Mar. 01, 2013

We've all heard at least one of these things, probably from a parent trying to protect us or from a friend who had no idea what they were talking about. They were truths that ended up being complete lies. Be prepared to have your life turned upside-down, bro, because shit is getting real.

1. Cold showers DON'T kill arousal.

It's a popular idea that, if you're aroused and need to kill that awkward boner, you can just jump in a cold shower. But while it can have a slight effect, recent studies have shown that the cold actually can provide more testosterone in a male, making their boners even more bonier.

 

2. The Five-Second Rule DOESN'T Exist

Mythbusters pointed this out a few years ago. There is no significant difference between bacteria on food after two seconds of floor exposure compared to six seconds. If it touches the floor, throw it away, people.

Can science explain my lack of self-control when it comes to eating off the floor? No. Shut up, science.

 

3. Masturbation DOESN'T Give You Hairy Hands

This is an old myth used as a deterrent. There is no scientific evidence this happens and if you need a source, come look at my hands. If anyone's hands should be a matted, gross, hairy mess, it's mine.

Thanks, RedTube!

 

4. Your Dog DIDN'T Go Live On A Farm

It either ran away, was given up for adoption, or put down. Your parents are liars.

 

5. Poinsettias AREN'T Lethal

This lie stems from World War I, where a child got sick, told everyone he ate a poinsettia, then died. But scientists and doctors have proven that poinsettias aren't lethal so that kid probably died from being a dirty liar.

 

6. Dropping a penny from the Empire State Building WON'T Kill Someone

When you throw a penny off the top of the building, it reaches terminal velocity at about 50 feet later. terminal velocity occurs when a penny's balance between gravity and air resistance is equal and opposite. So by the time it hits you on the head, it's really only going about 25 mph and won't hurt you at all. Don't trust me? This info is from Scientific American, a source that is scientific AND American, making it 200% correct.

 

7. Beauty ISN'T on the inside.

Come to find out, your insides are f**king gross.

Don't my intestines turn you on?

 

8. Gum DOESN'T Take Seven Years To Digest

Gum digests just like every other food you eat. Now, if you eat only gum, then maybe you can blow a bubble with your farts. I don't know about you, but that sounds like a fun and exciting new type of frat hazing if I've ever heard of one!

 

9. You DON'T Need Eight Glasses Of Water A Day

Water is good, but you don't need ot oversaturate yourself with it. From what we've read (we haven't read this), it's best to mix four glasses of water a day with four shots of pure-grain moonshine.

Guys, my insides are melting.

 

10. You CAN'T Get An STD From A Toilet Seat

Thanks God! Now, I can go back to rubbing my dick all over the toilet seats before everyone gets into work.

 

11. Decaf coffee HAS Caffeine

On average, one cup of decaf coffee has about 1/10 the amount of caffeine. That's all I got. I don't really have coffee jokes. Do you? Put them in the comments!

 

12. Men DON'T Think Of Sex Every Seven Seconds

According to a 2012 study at Ohio State University, men actually think of sex, on average, 19 times a day while women think of it 10 times a day. I know science and studies are supposed to be full of facts and whatnot, but I'm pretty sure I've thought of sex at least 19 times while writing this blog and don't know if this study is correct. Then again, it is from Ohio, where Cleveland is, and we all know how that is working out...

 

- Mark

@marksingletree

43 comments
eeq
eeq

break fails at trying to be cracked.

Bufflufkis1979
Bufflufkis1979

I don't want to download your app stop fu*#ing asking me Please Stop.

Rufinus
Rufinus

Decaf coffee HAS Caffeine so you will shit your self if you drink alot

Valok
Valok

funny, but i wasnt told one lie listed above ever. but i think these stupid "stories" can live on only in usa, where people are either guillable or too stupid to notice bullshit

inggy
inggy

lol break is trying to beat out cracked ...... how cute

doggin6
doggin6

the line that says "a source that is scientific AND American, making it 200%" could not be more wrong. one cancels the other out. the smarted american is like the retarded kid in any other country.

bsegafredo
bsegafredo

Hate to tell you this, but you are wrong on #9. go to the mayo Clinic's website, they say: "How much water do you need? Every day you lose water through your breath, perspiration, urine and bowel movements. For your body to function properly, you must replenish its water supply by consuming beverages and foods that contain water. So how much fluid does the average, healthy adult living in a temperate climate need? The Institute of Medicine determined that an adequate intake (AI) for men is roug

smoke1383
smoke1383

"Now, I can go back to rubbing my dick all over the toilet seats before everyone gets into work." That was pretty funny...well done Mark (Break Chump) Potts

kaboom666
kaboom666

nope, i think of sex every 6.

whitedevil2
whitedevil2

so when i watch porn for 4 hours each day, does that just count as one time i'm thinking about sex?

Corndog2333
Corndog2333

You want to hear 12 lies. Just listen to any obama speech.

treyert
treyert

Vag looks like it could use an olympic pool of moisturizer.

kenisgod1
kenisgod1

13. Break ain't funny no more......

eatmymeat
eatmymeat

check out the tits and vag on number 7 i gotta go test out number 3

Cool-Jon-1
Cool-Jon-1

everyone already knows these from the time the internet became popular... no life changer here.

cdlopez
cdlopez

#12 Lie. A.D.I.D.A.S.

deaduser
deaduser

I must ask, why break has gone downhill so much to be taking content from Reddit without proper attribution of source

whatinitheworld
whatinitheworld

Maybe because no one cares about you? And that from a non-american guy that happened to have a couple fo those lies told, so GTFO

asshole1000
asshole1000

Is that why we run the f*cking world?

whatinitheworld
whatinitheworld

Agree with you, what they don't say is that those glasses of water include all the water injested, like water on milk, coffee, soup, etc

whatinitheworld
whatinitheworld

It depends wheter or not you've been whacking, if so it is considered a relationship, not a thought

Break Robot
Break Robot

Break Robot asks that you attribute that.

inggy
inggy

ya.. running it into the ground.

Corndog2333
Corndog2333

I challenge you to tell me one lie Gov. Romney told.

deaduser
deaduser

Tried to posted a link but guess what.... contains words that are invalid Gum there (there are more that do cover 80% of the items addressed above). Several images appeared on reddit days ago and break posts them. Take a look. It is odd that I get a down vote but the spam above is alive and well.

stuntman-420
stuntman-420

dont try to act like anyone else has a clue whats going on. the whole world sucks a fat one. The French are a bunch of pussies who cant fight, the UK are scared to death of guns and cannabis. Cuba, China, and Russia are a bunch of commies, the United States thinks their shit doesn't stink and they don't care about anything happening outside of the USA. And no one gives two strokes about Africa

LouDaddy
LouDaddy

I've been hearing this sh!t for way too long now... Is there anything negative in this country that Obama isn't to blame for? Is this really the forum to be having a political discussion? Is it just like a right-wing radical to hop on any form of medium and spread ignorant propaganda. I can't even believe I just posted this... I'm done. More simply put... Idiocracy! .

Corndog2333
Corndog2333

Checked out your list (or some of it as I got bored of shooting holes in it after about 50). Not exactly quality investigative journalism. But then again, who in the liberal media does that anymore anyway. Just by contradicting each of Romney's statements does not an argument make. Keep trying tards.

Jay-Dee-267
Jay-Dee-267

See the "533 lies documented by steve benen in 30 weeks" - at least one should do! (note that this is about par for any politician ...)

stuntman-420
stuntman-420

i know that a lot of post on reddit aren't OC. For real though i have seen tons of OP stuff from reddit that gets cross posted over here and break hardly ever gives credit where it is do. honestly break.com is like the funnyjunk of today, i give it another 6 months before this site falls apart

deaduser
deaduser

No. I was trying to respond with more proof. I have been following break since big boys, not any more. #idiot

Break Robot
Break Robot

Break Robot gets it! If something is on Reddit, then it originated on Reddit and nowhere else! It all makes sense! #troll

Break Robot
Break Robot

Break Robot says this sounds totally legit...