12 Bizarre Vintage Alcohol Ads

Break.com Staff by Break.com Staff on Mar. 19, 2013

It shouldn't be too hard to sell alcohol - put it in a bottle and make sure it doesn't taste like gasoline.  Not so sure about the honesty in some of these, though.

1. The Taste Deranged Old Men Prefer!

You wouldn't leave kids alone with this guy, don't feed him alcohol.

2. Sexism? Never Heard of It

Schlitz had a pretty epic marketing team of dudes who wanted to marginalize everyone.

3. With Delicious Vitamin D!

You could drink milk, but then you'd be a sucker.

4.The Healthy Whiskey

Remember, a glass of whiskey for breakfast will start your day out tipsy!

5. Smirnoff.  For Mental Patients

You probably should never fly a personal helicopter, let alone while drinking.

6. Baby Stumblebum

How come your baby never cries? Just falls over and pisses himself...

7. Pervstache Level: 99

Ladies...

8. Taxes?  Pfft, I'm on a Bender!

A little sip makes all your troubles vanish.

9. Phone Home, ya Drunk!

In the original screenplay, ET wasn't an alien, just a drunk British man named Ethan.

10. Merry Christmas, It's Mr. Nightmares!

You have to drink until this guy doesn't scare you.

11. Molson's Derp Lager

This was the only picture of a happy Canadian they could find.

12. Schlitz and an Egg

Gusto was their word for beer and egg farts.

15 comments
merc516
merc516

your argument is invalid. There are many "American Beers" which are micro brewed that are better than beers from other countries. I take you mean that you don't like bud and those types of light beers which do suck but not all beer made in America sucks. Also eggs don't fart so and that comment makes no sense. Maybe farts that smell like eggs?

Gregory-Gall-4
Gregory-Gall-4

I'm English but my favourite beers are Molson Dry and Labbatts Ice. Good ol' Canada.

Gregstreetz
Gregstreetz User

@ublow stay in your stupid country. our beer is the best.

Gregstreetz
Gregstreetz

@ublow stay in your stupid country. our beer is the best.

uBlow
uBlow User

I prefer egg farts over American beer. Couldn't get closer to the horse.

uBlow
uBlow

I prefer egg farts over American beer. Couldn't get closer to the horse.

merc516
merc516

the reply was meant for uBlow btw

doggin6
doggin6 User

lol. your clearly a high school kid. american beer is a joke among the world.

doggin6
doggin6

lol. your clearly a high school kid. american beer is a joke among the world.

jurbowl
jurbowl

probably from your shit country where they brew it

jurbowl
jurbowl

So where did you buy this so called American beer

merc516
merc516 User

your argument is invalid. There are many "American Beers" which are micro brewed that are better than beers from other countries. I take you mean that you don't like bud and those types of light beers which do suck but not all beer made in America sucks. Also eggs don't fart so and that comment makes no sense. Maybe farts that smell like eggs?

merc516
merc516 User

the reply was meant for uBlow btw

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