12 Bizarre Vintage Alcohol Ads

Break.com Staff by Break.com Staff on Mar. 19, 2013

It shouldn't be too hard to sell alcohol - put it in a bottle and make sure it doesn't taste like gasoline.  Not so sure about the honesty in some of these, though.

1. The Taste Deranged Old Men Prefer!

You wouldn't leave kids alone with this guy, don't feed him alcohol.

2. Sexism? Never Heard of It

Schlitz had a pretty epic marketing team of dudes who wanted to marginalize everyone.

3. With Delicious Vitamin D!

You could drink milk, but then you'd be a sucker.

4.The Healthy Whiskey

Remember, a glass of whiskey for breakfast will start your day out tipsy!

5. Smirnoff.  For Mental Patients

You probably should never fly a personal helicopter, let alone while drinking.

6. Baby Stumblebum

How come your baby never cries? Just falls over and pisses himself...

7. Pervstache Level: 99

Ladies...

8. Taxes?  Pfft, I'm on a Bender!

A little sip makes all your troubles vanish.

9. Phone Home, ya Drunk!

In the original screenplay, ET wasn't an alien, just a drunk British man named Ethan.

10. Merry Christmas, It's Mr. Nightmares!

You have to drink until this guy doesn't scare you.

11. Molson's Derp Lager

This was the only picture of a happy Canadian they could find.

12. Schlitz and an Egg

Gusto was their word for beer and egg farts.