10 Worldwide New Year’s Day Hangover Cures!

So today is New Year’s Day which means almost an entire planet is hungover. Hello planet and welcome to a yearly tradition. So your head is pounding like a jackhammer and your stomach is queasy. Where to turn to for your hangover cure? Why not start the year off with one of the numerous hangover cures found worldwide? All it will take is some green ants or a few sheep eyeballs. Let’s go…

1) Poland and Pickle Juice

The first thing Poles reach for after a heavy New Year’s Eve party in Warsaw is a jar of pickle juice. Don’t laugh (or do) but pickle juice is a jar of salty electrolytes that replenish your hydration. It also gives purpose to all those jars of pickle juice you might have in your fridge.

2) Vietnam and Rhino Horn

Here’s an easy cure for your hangover: simply grind up the horn of a rhino, plop it into some hot water, and drink away. Boom; hangover be gone! This cure-all has been used for thousands of years. But, if you’re going to use this Vietnamese hangover cure; take note: as the demand for rhino horns have increased – so have rhino poachers. Why not stick to the pickle juice cure; drinking pickle juice is much better than killing a rhino. 

3) Mongolia and Sheep’s Eyeballs

So you spent New Year’s Eve doing Jell-O shots all night in Mongolia. You wake up and your head is thumping something fierce. Do like the locals do – venture to your neighborhood butcher and buy a big bag of sheep’s eyeballs. No, you don’t pop them into your mouth like malted milk balls; these are pickled eyeballs and you mix them together with some tomato juice. This is the only hangover cure that keeps an eye on you…

4) Namibia and Buffalo Milk

Let’s say you get shitfaced in Namibia. On New Year’s Day, do like the Namibians do: chug some buffalo milk. First, milking a buffalo might be enough to shake the hangover out of ya, but buffalo milk is really just clotted cream. Namibians also add to this concoction some rum and cream liqueur; so the buffalo milk hangover cure also has a little bit of the hair of the dog (which makes it sound even worse).

5) Sicily and Dried Bull’s Penis

Okay, so what’s worse in this scenario: suffering a hangover or putting a dried bull’s penis in your mouth. In this case, it’s served up in jerky form and is supposed to restore your virility.

6) Denmark and Reparationsbajer

The Danes might be on to something here. Their crazy hangover cure doesn’t involve dried animal penises or chomping on an eyeball – they simply keeping drinking. Reparationsbajer means ‘repair beer.’ Finally a sensible hangover cure from the country that brought us the Little Mermaid!

7) Puerto Rico and Fruit Under the Armpit

This sounds like a dumb thing you’d tell tourists to see if they’ll actually go through and do it; but in Puerto Rico – after a night of too much cerveza- you’re suppose to rub some lime into the armpit of your drinking arm. Why it has to be your drinking arm? Who the hell knows! Just do it! Alternatively, lemon can also be used.

8) Ancient Rome and Deep Fried Canary

(DISCLAIMER: WE DON’T RECOMMEND DOING THIS!!!) Back in old-timey days of Ancient Rome – if you had too much Bacchus-revelry, the best bet was for a cure was to fry up a canary and chomp it down. No more hangovers! Fried canary, by the way, is best served on stick like at the State Fair.

9) Australia and Green Ant Tea

“Waiter, there’s some ants in my hangover cure,” says an Australian man who implements this hangover cure.  Remember: don’t try the red ants –they will freak the fuck out of you!

10) Bulloch County, Georgia and No Alcohol

Bulloch County, Georgia is a dry county – thus it’s illegal to sell alcohol. So, their best hangover cure is no alcohol because it’s illegal. Side note; dry counties usually have a lot of meth production – which is not a good hangover cure at all.

Follow Harmon Leon on Twitter @HarmonLeon