Nothing shows your love of the holidays more than an asinine tattoo that you have to permanently live with around the clock – 365 days a year.
You think your “Ugly Christmas Sweater Party” is outrageous – why not go out and get Will Farrell from Elf inked onto your back as an everlasting ‘tramp stamp.’
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But unfortunate holiday tattoo aren’t strictly designated to fans of Santa; let’s not forget our friends who celebrate Hanukkah and Kwanza. (Mind you, this is not a War on just bad Christmas tattoos.) Atheists as well – who celebrate Christmas; by not celebrating Christmas – and have poor judgment when it comes to their tats.
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So grab my hand – oh dear reader – as we walk down the boulevard of Unfortunate Holiday Tattoos.
1) Is It Prancer?
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Santa loves his reindeer. Sure Rudolph gets most of the attention – and his own TV special; but what about Santa’s other unheralded reindeer, like Prancer and Dancer and Dominick and Vixen and a bunch others? Why don’t they get their moment in the holiday sun? That’s what this man must have thought when he dedicated his ENTIRE chest to a random Christmas reindeer.. that’s a lot of body real estate for the love of reindeer.
2) The “Ha” in Hanukkah
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The miracle of Hanukkah is back in old timey days, the Jewish people only had enough oil in their lamp to last 1 day – and it ended up lasting 8 days. Well, here’s a whole arm tattoo that lets the Hanukkah candles burn for 365 days. That’s a hell of a lot of Hanukkah!
3) Best Buddies
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This tattoo begs the question: What if Jesus, Santa, and the Easter Bunny were good friends? What a hell of a world it would be – but if you look at the proportions, either Jesus is 9 feet tall or Santa is only 3 feet tall; which is it?
4) Poor Kwanza Decision
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Kwanza is the December holiday that gets the least attention – thus tattoos centered around this holiday are in proportion. But if you are going to go the Kwanza route with your festive tattoos – why not get one that looks like it was engraved into your forearm with an ink pen.
5) Ralphie from A Christmas Story
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Sure, getting a Will Ferrell Elf tattoo is slightly hipster ironic, but what getting a tattoo from a less celebrated movie like A Christmas Story? A lot of poor judgment here with this tattoo – made much worst if it were a tramp stamp. My guess, this isn’t a jail house tattoo – or a tattoo you wouldn’t want to be seen sporting if you were in jail.
6) Burn Baby Burn
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Okay, so we’ve already showed you a horrendous arm menorah tattoo. How do you take that premise one step further? You get the fucker tattooed on your neck. Mazel Tov!
7) Are You An Atheist?
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Sure atheists don’t believe in the birth of Christ or a big magic man in the sky presiding over Hanukkah activities – but that doesn’t mean they can’t ruin any holiday gathering with this particularly awful tattoo. We get it, you are an atheist – now get out of the way of the mistletoe…
8) Satan Dreidel
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Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, I made it out of ink – and when it is dry and ready….what the fuck!? I’m not sure what they’re promoting here; is this part of a satanic Hanukkah cult? I don’t remember 666 dripping blood on my dreidel thingy?
9) It’s A Christmas Tree
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This tattoo will make you the most popular person at your office Christmas party – and then the rest of the year rolls around….Much like how Christmas trees are discarded as soon as January rolls around – so will the popularity of this piece of ink. Apparently, someone REALLY loves Christmas.
10) Gangsta Greetings
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A piece of art should ask more questions than it answers. The first question is: Why?
Follow Harmon Leon on Twitter @HarmonLeon