Who the hell are these people who come with the photos you get when you buy a picture frame? They always are laughing and having a great time – light years happier than any of us will ever be. God damn it, why can’t my life be as good as those captured in the picture frame photos? I was in such a good mood – until I saw what my life was missing; framed within a picture frame.
What life fantasies are these people trying portray in these photos and what do they say about our pathetic lives?
1. The Family Tug of War
This is the American Dream – a ruckus backyard family tug of war. Everyone laughing. Everyone is having a great time. According to this picture frame company, this is an American moment to remember – and frame. But it begs the question; who is on the other end of the rope? My guess, it’s the family from across the tracks with the alcoholic dad. Now you see why this family is laughing so hard.
2. Hitler’s Dream
Isn’t this Hitler’s wet dream? I’m pretty sure I saw this family on a WWII propaganda poster promoting the fatherland. Note how the boy is pointing off into the distance – at a better tomorrow filled nothing but blond hair and blue eyed Aryans.
3) Ha-Ha You’re A Jerk
This photo begs the question – what would life be like for two hardened fans of the 1998 movie, You Got Mail? Simple things would make you laugh, and little things like fortune cookie messages would sometimes make you cry, But most of all – they are laughing at you because you are not in a relationship – stupid you!
Ok, either this picture is a moment to remember – or the photo they use for the Viagra ad campaign; all they need is the words underneath that say: “Put Some Spring In Your Step!”
5) Whose The Daddy?
The difference between the life portrayed in this photo – and your life; this woman is being patted on the stomach because she is pregnant, and knows who the father is. She’s not being patted on the stomach simply because she’s fat.
6) Weekend Dad
No, the dad in this photo isn’t laughing at the camera because he’s just gotten full custody of his son after a long, messy divorce – because his wife was cheating on him with a fitness instructor named Hovig. He’s probably laughing because the two of them or going to go have frozen vegan yogurt.
7) More Viagra
“We’re going to go walk on the beach and bask in the benefits of being safe in the knowledge that all I have to do to consummate our relationship is to pop a Viagra.”
8) Let’s Face It Your Life Sucks
This photo is a pleasant reminder that your life sucks and will never be as happy or as perfect as this family. (Even though they are all models hired for the day to portray the ideal family.)
9) What’s So Funny?
What’s so damn funny? I think they are all collectively laughing because they just saw the latest Adam Sandler movie, Blended, on DVD and are in a state of anticipation for this next appearance in Joe Dirt 2…
10) Read Mommy, Read
Mommy is reading about daddy who she sued for half of his income and got the house and car. See daddy and his lawyers run. Run daddy, run.
Follow Harmon Leon on Twitter @HarmonLeon