While I haven’t died yet, I can imagine I won’t enjoy it. When my time comes, I hope I go out in either a peaceful way — like during my sleep — or an awesome way — like during a crazy sex party after saving a group of Hooters waitresses after they were kidnapped by evil Nazi zombies or something. And while that is a weird way to die, it’s nowhere near the weirdness that is these ten deaths.
Dying Because Of Your Sweet Beard
Hans Steininger was a 16th century Austrian with the coolest beard in town. The 4.5-foot beard often had to be rolled up when he walked. Unfortunately, a fire broke out near him, and, in haste, he forgot to roll it up. He stepped on it, tripped, and snapped his neck.
Dying Because Of A Flying Lawnmower At A Jets Game
The Electronic Eagles of the Radio Control Association of Greater New York (EERCAGNY represent!) had a model air show exhibition that was popular at sporting events back in the 70s. These model planes, shaped oddly, would engage in tricks and race over people’s heads.
In 1979, one plane, shaped like a lawnmower for some reason, crashed into the stands at a Jets/Patriots game. Two men were hit, and one, Josh Bowen, died. On the bright side, he isn’t alive to see the quagmire that is the Jets today.
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I could have saved him…
A Cow Crashes Through Your Roof On Your Sleeping Body
Corrugated rooves aren’t terrible, but they definitely can’t hold a cow. Last week, 45-year-old Joao Maria de Souza and his wife learned that the hard way when a cow fell eight feet through theirs and onto their bed.
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Joao went to the hospital for a broken leg but died hours later due to internal bleeding. His brother was quoted as saying one of the most obvious observations ever recorded, “Being crushed by a cow in your bed is the last way you expect to leave this earth.”
Laughing To Death
50-year-old Alex Mitchell loved the British television show, The Goodies. One night, he laughed for 25-minutes straight… then died. Due to a lack of oxygen, he had a heart attack. After an autopsy, it was revealed he had Long QT syndrome which causes the heart to rest longer between beats, often after excitement.
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No deaths for 10 seasons!
Slip On An Orange Peel
You know what didn’t kill Bobby Leach? The Niagara Falls. On July 25, 1911, he became the second person ever to go over them and live to tell about it. He suffered major injuries and was in the hospital for six months afterward, but didn’t die.
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You know what did kill Bobby Leach? An orange peel. When he slipped on an orange peel and injured his leg, gangrene set in. The leg was quickly amputated, but he died two months later. Niagara Falls then made a payment to the orange’s family and the rest is history…
Holding Your Wee For A Wii
In 2007, 28-year-old Jennifer Strange was competing in a radio contest to see who could drink the most water and not go to the bathroom. The winner would receive a Nintendo Wii. 20 people tried, and she came in second. Sadly, she died hours later at home due to water intoxication which causes blood plasma levels to rise and sodium levels to fall. Sodium works to keep blood flowing and due to low levels, couldn’t keep Jennifer’s blood flowing. 10 people were fired from the radio station after the accident.
Getting Beheaded While On A Go Kart
A 24-year-old Turkish woman was enjoying a race when she suddenly crashed into a safety wall. While this is normal in most races, what isn’t normal is her scarf getting tangled in the kart’s shaft. The crash caused the scarf to tighten around the woman’s throat until she was decapitated.
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Wtnesses reported seeing these blocks away from the scene.
Having Crazy Group Sex For 12 Hours
A Russian named Sergey Tuganov somehow received the best bet ever. A group of women bet him roughly $4500 that he could have sex with them for 12 hours. Logically, he took them up on this offer. However, he cheated by taking an entire bottle of Viagra. He made it through the 12 hours, won the bet, then died soon after. Why he couldn’t have just not taken the bottle and tried is beyond me. “Oh, man. I only made it four hours in. I lost. Oh, darn!” Still had crazy orgy sex.
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Open casket was the only option for his funeral.
Getting The High Score On A Video Game
Getting the high score in an arcade use to be a big achievement for a gamer. It was something to hang one’s hat on. In the 80s, “Berzerk” was popular game, and the high score was coveted. In 1981, 19-year-old Jeff Dailey acheived the high score on his arcade’s machine and then died of a heart attack. Then, in October of 1982, 18-year-old Peter Burkowski posted two high scores, then also died of a heart attack.
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These graphics are killer!
Being A Great/Terrible Lawyer
Clement Vallandigham was a politician during the 1800s. After his time in the House of Representitives, he became a lawyer. His last case was about a man accused of killing another in a barroom fight.
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Representing the defendant, Vallandigham was attempting to prove that his client hadn’t killed a man, but that the man accidently shot himself while removing his pistol. In order to demonstrate this, Vallandingham took a pistol he thought was empty and reenacted the motions he claimed happened. And sure enough, he actually accidentally shot himself. Good news: his client was found innocent! Bad news: he died.
– Mark (follow on twitter)