10 Insane Vintage Comic Ads

Break.com Staff by Break.com Staff on Feb. 26, 2013

Comic books provide hours of entertainment including simplistic solutions to complex problems and women dressed in nothing but spandex body suits.  And back in the day they offered you everything you could ever want to buy.

1. Pet Monkey

How many of these poor buggers never made it through the mail?

2. Baseball Secrets

OK, so this was innocent back in the day.  But the secret to baseball players' muscle power is kind of no secret anymore.

3. M-16 Marauder

Remember when no one got angry about toy guns?

4. Smaller Boobs

Ladies, it's the solution you've been waiting for! And fellas, you fnally don't have to put up with looking at unsightly big breasts!  Yay!

5. OJ's Shoes

Of course later you'll need to switch to Bruno Magli's.

6. This Shirt

Three words, kids - dope ass shirt.

7. Become a Man

This ad was in every comic meaning every comic thought you were a nancy.

8. Write Love Letters

What every Batman fan has been hoping for, tips on writing love letters.

9. A Piece of Texas

One square inch, huh?  Super.

10. Man Shoes

Rugged, He-Man good looks.  No really, it actually says that.

13 comments
Kyle-Grundtisch-827
Kyle-Grundtisch-827

I think OJ's shoes come with their own gloves and pumpkin carving kit

st_james
st_james

How much would you pay for a one inch ranch in Texas? WAIT!!! DON"T ANSWER. If you act with in the next ten minutes we will also give you a one inch high slit rail fence for your ranch made out of tooth picks from authentic Texas grown Mesquite Trees. And hey, while you are ordering your one square inch Texas ranch don't forget to ask us about other great deals we offer on items such as Toenail-Grass Clippers to keep that ranch looking it best, The Mexican- American War Commemorative Chest Set, And

Mr_Tideman
Mr_Tideman

Dick says, "Dad hates me ever since I burned his shed down. I wanna go back to being Richard." Stan says, "Shut up, you little bitch."

Mekon
Mekon

Remember the ad for X-Ray glasses, showing bones in a hand and another through a girl's petticoat? What a pile of of old wank that was! False advertising at it's best.

ROB-Robot
ROB-Robot

I think I saw that in a Richie Rich comic. What a pile of old wank is right!

COHockey
COHockey

My Nu-Yuth bra covers my muscles while I keep my pet monkey on a 1" Texas ranch with a machine gun, while OJ teaches me to write love letters in my Roy Rogers shirt.

Mr_Tideman
Mr_Tideman

After you get your ass kicked at the beach, you can either work out harder or swing back by with your M-16 Marauder and scare the piss out of Stan Packard and his girlfriend.

entity666
entity666

My pet monkey for whom i recently purchased a Roy Rogers shirt told me the nu-yuth bras can make your breasts smaller than a 1" texas ranch. OJ decidedly disagreed and pulled a machine gun on me despite me teaching him how to write love letters and the secrets of baseball fitness. At that point I began to insult him and make fun of his Spot-bilt shoes claiming that winthorps are far superior. I was going to press charges but thought.........whats the point.

Netalius
Netalius

Don't copy his good you wanker.