Comic books provide hours of entertainment including simplistic solutions to complex problems and women dressed in nothing but spandex body suits.  And back in the day they offered you everything you could ever want to buy.

1. Pet Monkey

How many of these poor buggers never made it through the mail?

2. Baseball Secrets

OK, so this was innocent back in the day.  But the secret to baseball players' muscle power is kind of no secret anymore.

3. M-16 Marauder

Remember when no one got angry about toy guns?

4. Smaller Boobs

Ladies, it's the solution you've been waiting for! And fellas, you fnally don't have to put up with looking at unsightly big breasts!  Yay!

5. OJ's Shoes

Of course later you'll need to switch to Bruno Magli's.

6. This Shirt

Three words, kids - dope ass shirt.

7. Become a Man

This ad was in every comic meaning every comic thought you were a nancy.

8. Write Love Letters

What every Batman fan has been hoping for, tips on writing love letters.

9. A Piece of Texas

One square inch, huh?  Super.

10. Man Shoes

Rugged, He-Man good looks.  No really, it actually says that.