10 Hilariously Pathetic Real-Life Murder Plots

Mark-Potts by Mark-Potts on May. 09, 2013

 

A Murder For The Books

Nancy Gelber had published a crime book titled "Temporary Amnesia," a story about a man who breaks out of prison and uses a team of prostitutes to rob banks. And somehow, according to her, this made her an expert in investigative procedures. She could help plan her husband's murders, and she and the hired gun would get away with it.

 

But her expertise didn't take into account that there are informants who have brains and souls. She got caught and is in jail for at least 15 years.

 

And why did she want him dead? Because he "had changed" and also had a $60,000 life insurance policy.

 

 

Facebook Murder

Well, you can't get more nonchalant than this. London Eley posted on her Facebook wall that she would "pay somebody a stack to kill my baby father." And lucky for her, Timotyh Bynum responded to the inquiry saying "say no more" and "what he look like?" and "need dat stack 1st."

 

Wanna kill my husband? Poke me back!

 

Someone with more brain cells than these two reported the exchange to police.

 

If only they had done this on MySpace, no one would have known…

 

 

For The Unnatural Love Of Family

Amy Bessey, 42, wanted her husband's $250,000 life insurance money. She enlisted her son, 21, and brother, 39, to do a drive-by shooting. The two went through with it, but the husband, Robert Bessey, survived a shot to the neck and was able to identify the car used in the drive-by.

 

Then it gets weird and gross. According to police, the mother and son had a very close relationship, frequented nightclubs, and liked to grope each other in public. Not included in the police report is the sound of vomiting by the detectives who discovered these facts.

 

Spanking isn't a punishment to this mother.

 

If we've learned anything today, it's this: don't have life insurance policies and don't stick your dick into crazy.

 

- Mark (twitter)

 

22 comments
vold
vold User

Why couldn't the Bieber scheme have succeeded. Then we would finally be rid of that d-bag.

vold
vold

Why couldn't the Bieber scheme have succeeded. Then we would finally be rid of that d-bag.

OUtlin1
OUtlin1

And the last story 2 words, Eww & incest

OUtlin1
OUtlin1

Another bit of advice, ask & plan it on myspace, no one will ever read or discover it! (well at least before the crime)

OUtlin1
OUtlin1

George gave good advice for next time (obviously not hers)

johnsonjiggle
johnsonjiggle User

I disagree with the very last statement. crazy girls give you the best p-ssy and are usually the ones that give you a one night stand or 3 o'clock slop. just pick them up, give a false name, false number and BAM!! Great Sex.

johnsonjiggle
johnsonjiggle

I disagree with the very last statement. crazy girls give you the best p-ssy and are usually the ones that give you a one night stand or 3 o'clock slop. just pick them up, give a false name, false number and BAM!! Great Sex.

lillyandra
lillyandra User

Yeah the first guy realized a 36 year old woman with tats, piercings everywhere and a tramp stamp is just not as sexy as a 18 year old.

lillyandra
lillyandra

Yeah the first guy realized a 36 year old woman with tats, piercings everywhere and a tramp stamp is just not as sexy as a 18 year old.

B-A-S
B-A-S

Well for one, Bieber would have to have balls!

B-A-S
B-A-S

Well for one, Bieber would have to have balls!

passmore428
passmore428

Voltage doesn't technically kill either, amperage does.

passmore428
passmore428

Voltage doesn't technically kill either, amperage does.

B4ngkok
B4ngkok User

Oh and don't forget the AIDS... you can't forget about the AIDS.

passmore428
passmore428

Yea, then you find her outside your house at 3 am using your old discarded toothbrush to please herself while she licks your band-aids...

B4ngkok
B4ngkok

Oh and don't forget the AIDS... you can't forget about the AIDS.

passmore428
passmore428

Yea, then you find her outside your house at 3 am using your old discarded toothbrush to please herself while she licks your band-aids...

Aaron-Johansen-94
Aaron-Johansen-94

even though most girls at his concert are between 16-19...you get out much?