10 Hilariously Pathetic Real-Life Murder Plots

Mark-Potts by Mark-Potts on May. 09, 2013

Killer Voodoo

After 20 years of marriage, Raymond Bradshaw's wife had enough. She filed for divorce and left. Unable to get over the heartache, Raymond tried to fix his heart the only way he knew how: kill her through voodoo.

 

When that didn't work, he tried to convince his sister to have her 16-year-old mentally handicapped son kill his ex-wife. When caught, because he was young and handicapped, he'd have a short sentence.

 

The sister didn't see the silver lining of the plan the way he did and reported him to police.

 

 

Bearded Blunder

If you're going to use a fake beard, make sure it's high quality. This is advice Frank Cipriani could have used.

 

Cipriani wanted his girlfriend's husband out of the picture, so he posed as building inspector, wearing a fake beard, and met the husband at a house he was remodeling. There, he pulled a gun and was about to shoot the man (and frame it as a suicide), when his beard fell off. Another inspector arrived (a real one) soon after and Cipriani fled. And without the beard, he was easily identified.

 

Worse disguise ever?

 

Cipriani will be in jail for a while.

 

 

Bieber’s Balls

Well, this one is on a whole other level…

 

Dana Martin was obsessed with Justin Bieber. He even had Bieber's face tattooed on his leg. He was also in a New Mexico prison serving a 978-year sentence for rape and murder. But Belieblers are tenacious…

 

Martin hired two men to kidnap Bieber, use a neck tie (specifically a paisley patterned tie) to strangle him to death, then cut off his testicles. The two men would receive $2,500 for each testicle (and honestly, that number seems incredibly low. It's not like I think about Bieber's balls a lot, but when I do, I imagine them being smooth, I mean, expensive).

 

But thanks to the Lord above, the plan was foiled and Bieber is still alive and full of balls.

 

22 comments
vold
vold User

Why couldn't the Bieber scheme have succeeded. Then we would finally be rid of that d-bag.

vold
vold

Why couldn't the Bieber scheme have succeeded. Then we would finally be rid of that d-bag.

OUtlin1
OUtlin1

And the last story 2 words, Eww & incest

OUtlin1
OUtlin1

Another bit of advice, ask & plan it on myspace, no one will ever read or discover it! (well at least before the crime)

OUtlin1
OUtlin1

George gave good advice for next time (obviously not hers)

johnsonjiggle
johnsonjiggle User

I disagree with the very last statement. crazy girls give you the best p-ssy and are usually the ones that give you a one night stand or 3 o'clock slop. just pick them up, give a false name, false number and BAM!! Great Sex.

johnsonjiggle
johnsonjiggle

I disagree with the very last statement. crazy girls give you the best p-ssy and are usually the ones that give you a one night stand or 3 o'clock slop. just pick them up, give a false name, false number and BAM!! Great Sex.

lillyandra
lillyandra User

Yeah the first guy realized a 36 year old woman with tats, piercings everywhere and a tramp stamp is just not as sexy as a 18 year old.

lillyandra
lillyandra

Yeah the first guy realized a 36 year old woman with tats, piercings everywhere and a tramp stamp is just not as sexy as a 18 year old.

B-A-S
B-A-S

Well for one, Bieber would have to have balls!

B-A-S
B-A-S

Well for one, Bieber would have to have balls!

passmore428
passmore428

Voltage doesn't technically kill either, amperage does.

passmore428
passmore428

Voltage doesn't technically kill either, amperage does.

B4ngkok
B4ngkok User

Oh and don't forget the AIDS... you can't forget about the AIDS.

passmore428
passmore428

Yea, then you find her outside your house at 3 am using your old discarded toothbrush to please herself while she licks your band-aids...

B4ngkok
B4ngkok

Oh and don't forget the AIDS... you can't forget about the AIDS.

passmore428
passmore428

Yea, then you find her outside your house at 3 am using your old discarded toothbrush to please herself while she licks your band-aids...

Aaron-Johansen-94
Aaron-Johansen-94

even though most girls at his concert are between 16-19...you get out much?