10 Hilariously Pathetic Real-Life Murder Plots

Killer Voodoo

After 20 years of marriage, Raymond Bradshaw's wife had enough. She filed for divorce and left. Unable to get over the heartache, Raymond tried to fix his heart the only way he knew how: kill her through voodoo.


When that didn't work, he tried to convince his sister to have her 16-year-old mentally handicapped son kill his ex-wife. When caught, because he was young and handicapped, he'd have a short sentence.


The sister didn't see the silver lining of the plan the way he did and reported him to police.



Bearded Blunder

If you're going to use a fake beard, make sure it's high quality. This is advice Frank Cipriani could have used.


Cipriani wanted his girlfriend's husband out of the picture, so he posed as building inspector, wearing a fake beard, and met the husband at a house he was remodeling. There, he pulled a gun and was about to shoot the man (and frame it as a suicide), when his beard fell off. Another inspector arrived (a real one) soon after and Cipriani fled. And without the beard, he was easily identified.


Worse disguise ever?


Cipriani will be in jail for a while.



Bieber’s Balls

Well, this one is on a whole other level…


Dana Martin was obsessed with Justin Bieber. He even had Bieber's face tattooed on his leg. He was also in a New Mexico prison serving a 978-year sentence for rape and murder. But Belieblers are tenacious…


Martin hired two men to kidnap Bieber, use a neck tie (specifically a paisley patterned tie) to strangle him to death, then cut off his testicles. The two men would receive $2,500 for each testicle (and honestly, that number seems incredibly low. It's not like I think about Bieber's balls a lot, but when I do, I imagine them being smooth, I mean, expensive).


But thanks to the Lord above, the plan was foiled and Bieber is still alive and full of balls.