In an ideal world, everyone would be colorblind, but even if we were unable to see color, we could probably hear it, especially in the efforts of white rappers on the internet. Some of you probably just said, "Rappers? What's rap, and who are these rappers who do the rappings?" Well, before we continue any further, please enjoy this video of white kids explaining rap, and we'll continue afterward.
If you watched "Cool Dad Raps For His Kids," this weekend, you would have been pleasantly surprised by the quality of the dad's rap. It wasn't that he was great, it was that he wasn't bad! If you've been keeping an eye on the world of white hip hop on the internet, you knew this was a long time coming. White rappers, online, have finally moved from being awful to tolerable, which has been quite an evolution. Here are ten essential videos in the development of white rap, online.
10: Locomotive Curt. This Is... Locomotive Curt
What it did for white rap: Locomotive Curt put Sanford, Florida, on the map for rap. If you're a multiracial rap crew with questionable taste in front men, Sanford, Florida, is ground zero. Get there immediately.
9: Krispy Kreme - The Baddest
What it did for white rap: Krispy Kreme brought a new level of gritty realness to rap. This kid has snot glistening under his nose, and he's so hardcore that he allows it to sit there, putting the onus on you to get over your preconceived notions of where snot should be and just deal with it.
8: Bricka Bricka
What it did for white rap: Bricka Bricka proved that awful hip hop had gone global. You could be a terrible Eastern European rapper just as easily as you could be an awful suburban American rapper. Indeed, this is now the music that torments our global village.
7. Christian Side Hug
What it did for white rap: This reminded us that contemporary Christian music is awful in whatever form it takes. In that way, it showed that hip hop was just as fertile a ground for this music to suck as rock and other genres.
6. Nu Thang. We apologize in advance.
What it did for white rap: Absolutely nothing. If anything, it set it back ten years.
5. Windows Phone 7 Fangirls Rap
What it did for white rap: This proved white girls could be just as bad as white guys at rapping. These chicks took something no one cared about, Windows Phone 7, and accidentally turned it into something everyone laughed at. That's an achievement you can't ignore.
4. Sorority Recruitment Video
What it did for white rap: They did to Chris Brown's song what Chris Brown did to Rihanna's face, which is really what white musicians have done to black music for the better part of a century anyway.
3. Average White Homeboy
What it did for white rap: Denny Blaze is the originator. He was a man who looked out at the rap landscape and saw a huge gap in the marketplace. No one was rapping about what it was like to experience white privilege. So he stepped in, and the rest is history.
2. Jon Lajoie's Everyday Normal Guy.
What it did for white rap: Before he was in The League, Jon Lajoie was in a league of his own. Jon Lajoie took Denny Blaze’s ideas a step further by adding talent. It was a clever ploy that no one was certain would work, but lo and behold it did! Jon Lajoie proved that it would be possible for a white guy to rap and to do it well.
1. Swagger Wagon.
What it did for white rap: Well, all good things must come to an end. Sorority girls grow up, white rappers go bald, hip hop becomes a proven entertainment, and big business moves in to commodify the culture. Now that it had been established that white rappers could be good, it was only a matter of time before white rap went from being underground to being commercial.
- Earnest (on Twitter @earnestp)