In Japan, there is one vending machine for every 23 people. The country has 123 million inhabitants –you do the math. My point, there is a shit-ton of vending machines in Japan. The Japanese vending machine boom began in 1950s with drink machines. Now, perverts can buy used schoolgirl panties – that’s called progress. You can buy almost anything in a vending machine in Japan; what I’d like to see a Japanese vending machine that sells smaller Japanese vending machines. Do you have some spare pocket Yen? Let’s go on a little journey and visit some of the crazy strange vending machines of Japan.
1) Used Schoolgirl Panties
Used schoolgirl panties are the stuff that vending machine urban legends are made of. They were officially made illegal in 1993 and sold previously worn pairs for around $50-$100.
But the InterWeb says otherwise: Like Bigfoot, people who have recently visited Japan and have sighted these crazy perv fetish vending machines. It begs the question, how do they definitely know that these vended panties were used and that the using was done by a schoolgirl? Conversely, used men’s underwear was proven in select test markets to be not a very poor seller…
2) Live Lobsters
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Do you know what’s a vending machine spontaneous impulse buy? Live lobsters. For a mere 100 Yen, you can catch your own live lobster by using directional buttons to position a giant mechanical claw above the crustacean of your choice! A perfect vending machine to use after buying a pair of used schoolgirl panties. How f-ing fun. This mixes the skill of an arcade game with…..the love of live lobsters.
3) Lettuce Vending Machines
This vending machine is called “The Chef’s Farm” and it can grow 60 heads of lettuce a day using 40-watt florescent light bulbs. Just like that, you can get a fresh head of lettuce quicker than you can say, “Soylent Green is people!”
4) Men’s Neckties
Imagine the embarrassment of leaving your home without a necktie? If you’re a Japanese business man then there’s no need to fear- simply buy a new one from a vending machine like they were a pair of Japanese schoolgirl panties; it’s just that easy!
So in the year 2015, who the hell would need to buy porn from a vending machine? Is this for the busy man-on-the-go who doesn’t know that there’s such a thing out their called “The Internet”?
6) Draft Beer
So what can a man buy from a vending machine after he purchases used schoolgirl panties, porn, and a head of lettuce? Why a nice cool glass of draft beer. This is not a bottle of beer but a fresh frothy glass poured right in the vending machine while you watch. Yummy!
We’re going about this in the wrong order. First you buy an umbrella from a vending machine, you hold it over your head, and then you go buy the used Japanese schoolgirl panties incognito. Problem solved! Go treat yourself to a cold glass of vending machine draft beer.
8) Kid’s Birthday Presents
These boxed toys go for about 5000-10000 yen apiece ($70-120) and are sold in a gigantic-sized vending machine. Now we just need a vending machine that sells cute adorable puppies.
9) Coca Cola Robot Vending Machine
Okay, this is a sign of both the robot uprising and the Coca Cola uprising; Coca-Cola had a new promotion in Tokyo featuring a giant robotic Coke machine know as “Vending Machine Red” that is making appearances around town. It was been a big hit.
10) Smart Car
Sure, these vehicles are like little circus cars – so why not put one in a vending machine? The Japanese SMART Car Vending Machine offers two choices: Coupe and Cabrio. And then you and the Coca Cola robot can drive off into the sunset…
Follow Harmon Leon on Twitter @HarmonLeon