Page 4 Archives for February 2013

  • Posted by Staff  / Feb. 2, 2013

    The Big Game (side note: we can't call it what its really called because the NFL owns that name and instead of worrying about players brains not turning into mush, they worry about people using names of games without their permission) is suppose to be about the two best teams fighting it out to see who is the best. But really, its about the commericials.Each year, numerous companies pay millions to air their spots, their yearly hopes and dreams that those 30-60 seconds can supply a years worth of revenue. And sometimes, those spots get rejected for reasons like indecency. We believe that its really because they are too awesome. Here are five spots that prove it.

  • Posted by Mark-Potts  / Feb. 2, 2013

    You've probably seen the ads over the years for this thing called Puppy Bowl. Tiny, cute dogs get thrown into a playpen that looks like a football field and fight over a football and various other toys. Meanwhile, a referee calls penalties and we are provided with slow-motion replays of various playful incidents. And this is all while they call this football. I call this bullshit. There is no football being played. There isnt even a competition! Its just a show to get you to tune in and give Animal Planets sponsors eyes and padded wallets. Were being had, nation, and its time to stop. Here are, apparently, classic tackles and fumbles. Im sorry, but there arent any tackles and any fumbles. Its just a bunch of dogs running around and playing. And they arent even trying hard to protect the f**king ball! Do you see Adrian Peterson running up and down the field with the ball in his mouth? No! Hes holding on with one strong arm and wrapping it up as he gets hit.

  • Posted by Staff  / Feb. 2, 2013

    For my friends, the Super Bowl is all about football. For my wife, it is all about the commercials. For me, however, the Super Bowl has always been about one thing and one thing only: betting. So when somebody inevitably approaches me to participate in the Squares Pool I am going to enter despite knowing that I am going to lose to the person in the room that knows the least about football.So congrats in advance my friend Joe’s new drunken stripper girlfriend, and come post-game expect to find me again in the corner binging on Cool Ranch Doritos just like I was when my Squares Pool bad luck run started back at Super Bowl XXXIV. If luck had been on my side that day and Kevin Dyson would have made it one more yard, the game would have went into overtime and I probably wouldn’t be writing this column. But that last yard cost me $1250, and just about every Super Bowl pre-game since has taunted me with a replay of that missed TD. It was my first year playing squares and although I have played every year since, I have yet to win a single quarter. But if you are like me and are determined to play again anyway here are a few things you should know.

  • Posted by Staff  / Feb. 2, 2013

    The old man at the strip club is the best, but the others are pretty awesome as well. Check them out!

  • Posted by carver55  / Feb. 2, 2013

    Sticking ping pong balls in your mouth and installing yourself in someone's gallery show is a great way to 1) prank "art" connoisseurs and 2) find out just how much you're worth.

  • Posted by Fortey  / Feb. 2, 2013

    Tips are how a lot of people make ends meet but dammit if some people don't make it hard.

  • Posted by bigbadjewdodaddy  / Feb. 2, 2013

    The bass just got dropped into the deep end of the pool.
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